raftermania
Banned
US OPEN EDITION
After being inspired by a Simpsons episode (Homer becomes an astronaut), the wise folks at the USTA
have decided to give a wildcard to a random tennis fan (in this case from the TW forum). It has been
announced that you are the winner of this wildcard. Congratulations, you've been given direct entry
into the qualifying tournament of the US OPEN. Stuff your tennis bag and get over to the airport.
You're going to New York.
You've arrived at Flushing Meadows and you're now listening to the tournament convenor (Patrick
Rafter) issue the rules for the tournament.
1) You must serve and volley every service point.
2) After flubbing a toss, you must apologize to your opponent with a "Sorry Mate."
3) You will avoid John McEnroe on the grounds at all times.
4) Questions are worth varying points each
5) Answers to the following questions will be revealed on Sunday night as well as the player results
6) Provide your answers in the following format:
1) answer #1
2) answer #2
3) answer #3
.
.
.
11) answer #11
7) Good luck and have fun! Let the games begin!
Qualifying Rounds (Each correct answer is worth 1 point)
1) Round One: VS. Marcelo Rios
Marcelo has made his comeback at the Grand Slams and you are his first opponent. In his
home country of Chile, people think he looks Oriental, because of this what nickname have
they given him?
2) Round Two: VS> Bud Collins
Bud is a giant repository of anything related to the sport of tennis. Recently, he has found a way
to combine the DNA of tennis greats Don Budge, Roy Emerson, Hitcham Arazi, Petr Korda and Rod Laver,
with his own DNA. He now has their combined talents and is your tough second round opponent. Bud
revealed his genetic transformation in his sports column. What newspaper does Budd Collins write for?
3) Round Three: VS. Vince Spadea
Congratulations on your progress so far. In the locker room, Vince has approached you in an
intimidating fashion in order to scare you prior to the match. He frightens you by delivering
this aggressive rap song:
Yo Yo Yo, V to the I is in da' house
This just in, you'z look like a mouse
I just, I just can't stand ya
I'd rather go watch Bonanza
How many titles did Pete Sampras win in his illustrious career?
4) Round Four: VS. Patrick McEnroe
Patrick has watched enough tennis from the booth and can't stand watching these bozos. He's
back and you're ready to send him back to Cliffy. But first, what tennis book did Patrick
pen?
Main Draw (Each question is worth an increasing amount of points)
5) Round One: VS. David Nalbandian (2 points)
Welcome to the main draw. You've got a tough task in Dave 'bandian. For a long time Nalby
dominated Roger Federer. Roger can't stand Dave and has an interesting term to label
Nalbandian's style of game, what is it?
6) Round Two: VS. Bob Bryan/Mike Bryan (3 points)
The chest banging brothers have undergone surgery to make them not only twins, but siamese twins,
in order to take advantage of recent ATP rule changes. LaCoste was taking advantage
of ATP rules by placing a very large crocodile logo on Andy Roddick's buttocks section of his shorts.
Because of this, the ATP has limited the maximum size of a logo. What are the new maximum dimensions?
7) Round Three: VS. Lleyton Hewitt (4 points)
In order to distract you, Hewitt has shown up for the match wearing the carcass of a dead wallabee
on his head. Earlier this year, he wore a certain headpiece which paid tribute to a tennis legend
of the past. Who was it?
8 ) Round Four: VS. Michael Chang (6 points)
While fishing near Chernobyl, Chang caught a mysterious three-eyed fish. Without hesitation, he ate
it and grew a third eye, thus providing him with true "triple vision" (Peter Burwash). He still lacks
the power to keep up with the big boys, but his court sense has become omnipotent to say the least.
What children's show did Chang appear on as a guest???
9) Quarterfinals: VS. Michael Llodra (8 points)
Mikey has never had this kind of success in singles at a grand slam. During a post-match interview
Michael has attributed his success to spending all of his off-court time in this player's locker,
while nude of course. He hid in this same player's locker earlier this year. Who is this player?????
10) Semifinals: VS. Roger Federer (12 points)
The Maestro has won the Australian Open, Wimbledon and the French Open. He's just about ready to
complete the grand slam, but you're in his way. Fortunately for you, you've learned about his
weakness on the Tennis Warehouse Talk Tennis forum. What crucial component of Roger should
you deactivate in order to ruin his mechanical reflexes???
11) Finals: VS. Andre Agassi (20 points)
With the support of Dorian Cito, Aykhan Mammadov and jonnyf in your player's box, you easily defeat Andre.
However, like any contest in Canada, you have to answer a skill testing question in order to claim your prize.
Please adhere to the rules of BEDMAS in order to answer the following:
All question elements refer to Andre Agassi, show your work. (1 point for each element correct) (13 points for correct answer)
((Year of birth) x (Age turned professional)) + ((Most wins in a season) - (Amount of titles won in Toronto)^5) - Size of Boy's and Girl's Club (sq. ft.)
divided by=
(Years with Nike + Year Gilbert started coaching him)
--
Thanks for playing! Check back on Sunday for the results!!!!!
After being inspired by a Simpsons episode (Homer becomes an astronaut), the wise folks at the USTA
have decided to give a wildcard to a random tennis fan (in this case from the TW forum). It has been
announced that you are the winner of this wildcard. Congratulations, you've been given direct entry
into the qualifying tournament of the US OPEN. Stuff your tennis bag and get over to the airport.
You're going to New York.
You've arrived at Flushing Meadows and you're now listening to the tournament convenor (Patrick
Rafter) issue the rules for the tournament.
1) You must serve and volley every service point.
2) After flubbing a toss, you must apologize to your opponent with a "Sorry Mate."
3) You will avoid John McEnroe on the grounds at all times.
4) Questions are worth varying points each
5) Answers to the following questions will be revealed on Sunday night as well as the player results
6) Provide your answers in the following format:
1) answer #1
2) answer #2
3) answer #3
.
.
.
11) answer #11
7) Good luck and have fun! Let the games begin!
Qualifying Rounds (Each correct answer is worth 1 point)
1) Round One: VS. Marcelo Rios
Marcelo has made his comeback at the Grand Slams and you are his first opponent. In his
home country of Chile, people think he looks Oriental, because of this what nickname have
they given him?
2) Round Two: VS> Bud Collins
Bud is a giant repository of anything related to the sport of tennis. Recently, he has found a way
to combine the DNA of tennis greats Don Budge, Roy Emerson, Hitcham Arazi, Petr Korda and Rod Laver,
with his own DNA. He now has their combined talents and is your tough second round opponent. Bud
revealed his genetic transformation in his sports column. What newspaper does Budd Collins write for?
3) Round Three: VS. Vince Spadea
Congratulations on your progress so far. In the locker room, Vince has approached you in an
intimidating fashion in order to scare you prior to the match. He frightens you by delivering
this aggressive rap song:
Yo Yo Yo, V to the I is in da' house
This just in, you'z look like a mouse
I just, I just can't stand ya
I'd rather go watch Bonanza
How many titles did Pete Sampras win in his illustrious career?
4) Round Four: VS. Patrick McEnroe
Patrick has watched enough tennis from the booth and can't stand watching these bozos. He's
back and you're ready to send him back to Cliffy. But first, what tennis book did Patrick
pen?
Main Draw (Each question is worth an increasing amount of points)
5) Round One: VS. David Nalbandian (2 points)
Welcome to the main draw. You've got a tough task in Dave 'bandian. For a long time Nalby
dominated Roger Federer. Roger can't stand Dave and has an interesting term to label
Nalbandian's style of game, what is it?
6) Round Two: VS. Bob Bryan/Mike Bryan (3 points)
The chest banging brothers have undergone surgery to make them not only twins, but siamese twins,
in order to take advantage of recent ATP rule changes. LaCoste was taking advantage
of ATP rules by placing a very large crocodile logo on Andy Roddick's buttocks section of his shorts.
Because of this, the ATP has limited the maximum size of a logo. What are the new maximum dimensions?
7) Round Three: VS. Lleyton Hewitt (4 points)
In order to distract you, Hewitt has shown up for the match wearing the carcass of a dead wallabee
on his head. Earlier this year, he wore a certain headpiece which paid tribute to a tennis legend
of the past. Who was it?
8 ) Round Four: VS. Michael Chang (6 points)
While fishing near Chernobyl, Chang caught a mysterious three-eyed fish. Without hesitation, he ate
it and grew a third eye, thus providing him with true "triple vision" (Peter Burwash). He still lacks
the power to keep up with the big boys, but his court sense has become omnipotent to say the least.
What children's show did Chang appear on as a guest???
9) Quarterfinals: VS. Michael Llodra (8 points)
Mikey has never had this kind of success in singles at a grand slam. During a post-match interview
Michael has attributed his success to spending all of his off-court time in this player's locker,
while nude of course. He hid in this same player's locker earlier this year. Who is this player?????
10) Semifinals: VS. Roger Federer (12 points)
The Maestro has won the Australian Open, Wimbledon and the French Open. He's just about ready to
complete the grand slam, but you're in his way. Fortunately for you, you've learned about his
weakness on the Tennis Warehouse Talk Tennis forum. What crucial component of Roger should
you deactivate in order to ruin his mechanical reflexes???
11) Finals: VS. Andre Agassi (20 points)
With the support of Dorian Cito, Aykhan Mammadov and jonnyf in your player's box, you easily defeat Andre.
However, like any contest in Canada, you have to answer a skill testing question in order to claim your prize.
Please adhere to the rules of BEDMAS in order to answer the following:
All question elements refer to Andre Agassi, show your work. (1 point for each element correct) (13 points for correct answer)
((Year of birth) x (Age turned professional)) + ((Most wins in a season) - (Amount of titles won in Toronto)^5) - Size of Boy's and Girl's Club (sq. ft.)
divided by=
(Years with Nike + Year Gilbert started coaching him)
--
Thanks for playing! Check back on Sunday for the results!!!!!
