Why are my girlfriends so good to me?

H

heycal

Hall of Fame
As I was sitting here thinking about my life, everything from career to family to second serve problems, it occured to that during my 45 years on this planet, I have almost always had girlfriends who were very good to me. Sure, one or two were less than exemplary in one way or another over the years, but most of them were extraordinary loving and kind.

What's that about? Why are girls generally so nice, even to louses like me?

Let's hear some theories, folks! (Oh, and I'm also guessing there's a 50-50 chance this thread will lead to some sort of brawl for one reason or another.)
 
Ignorant Genius

Ignorant Genius

Banned
heycal said:
As I was sitting here thinking about my life, everything from career to family to second serve problems, it occured to that during my 45 years on this planet, I have almost always had girlfriends who were very good to me. Sure, one or two were less than exemplary in one way or another over the years, but most of them were extraordinary loving and kind.

What's that about? Why are girls generally so nice, even to louses like me?

Let's hear some theories, folks! (Oh, and I'm also guessing there's a 50-50 chance this thread will lead to some sort of brawl for one reason or another.)
Click to expand...

Give some examples of what you consider "good" and "nice".
 
H

heycal

Hall of Fame
J011yroger said:
I have met Heycal, and though he is a nice guy and cool dude, I can assure you that Brad Pitt he is not.
Click to expand...

Thanks, Jolly! Heck, you saw me bundled up in warm tennis clothes with a stupid hat on during a cold night in Queens. Even Brad Pitt ain't going to look like Brad Pitt under those circumstances.

Don't make me send you testimonials from past or present lady friends attesting to my near-Brad Pitt like looks under better circumstances, Jollyroger!
 
35ft6

35ft6

Legend
This thread reminds me of the Chris Rock bit about men bragging about never having been in jail, or that they take care of their kids.
 
H

heycal

Hall of Fame
wyutani said:
you solved ur own question.
Click to expand...

I think you are confused -- I don't posess those good traits, the women do. So nothing is solved yet.

PimpMyGame said:
If you make women laugh they will do anything for you. Seriously.
Click to expand...

Much truth to that. As the Irish saying goes, "make a girl laugh and you're halfway up her leg". And looking back, I've realized that some of the girls I couldn't get any traction with are girls who were hard to make laugh.

I also think men, or at least thisman, are more attracted to women who laugh at their material. My advice to women who want to get a guy would be "laugh at his jokes".

After all, the definition of a woman with a good sense of humor is a woman who finds you funny. (How funny she is at generating jokes or witticisms herself is completely irrelevant. It's simply not a requirement for girls.)

35ft6 said:
This thread reminds me of the Chris Rock bit about men bragging about never having been in jail, or that they take care of their kids.
Click to expand...

Don't know the bit. Don't get the reference.
 
certifiedjatt

certifiedjatt

Banned
i think you're insecure, which is why you want to let everyone know you're special. you're fishing for a compliment the majority of the people don't even know you. you're branding yourself as god's gift to women, just like people brand themselves with nike.

that wasn't an attack, just a, as you wrote, theory.
 
beedlejuice22

beedlejuice22

Semi-Pro
heycal said:
As I was sitting here thinking about my life, everything from career to family to second serve problems, it occured to that during my 45 years on this planet, I have almost always had girlfriends who were very good to me. Sure, one or two were less than exemplary in one way or another over the years, but most of them were extraordinary loving and kind.

What's that about? Why are girls generally so nice, even to louses like me?

Let's hear some theories, folks! (Oh, and I'm also guessing there's a 50-50 chance this thread will lead to some sort of brawl for one reason or another.)
Click to expand...

Is this a sexual reference?
 
H

heycal

Hall of Fame
certifiedjatt said:
i think you're insecure, which is why you want to let everyone know you're special. you're fishing for a compliment the majority of the people don't even know you. you're branding yourself as god's gift to women, just like people brand themselves with nike.

that wasn't an attack, just a, as you wrote, theory.
Click to expand...

Nice try, buddy boy. But you missed the mark. I'm not particularly special, or saying I'm God's gift to women. If I were, it might explain why my gf's have been so nice to me.

Thus, the mystery has not been solved.

beedlejuice22 said:
Is this a sexual reference?
Click to expand...

No.
 
onehandbh

onehandbh

G.O.A.T.
List some of your characteristics and personality traits and it might
shed some light. What is your M.O. when dating?
 
el sergento

el sergento

Hall of Fame
I'm going to blow your mind here, you ready??

The reason they have been so kind and whatnot is because (drum roll):

YOU PICKED THEM FOR THOSE EXACT REASONS


Those are obviously traits you look for in women and if they're not present (the traits) you don't date or commit to them.
 
maverick66

maverick66

Hall of Fame
certifiedjatt said:
i think you're insecure, which is why you want to let everyone know you're special. you're fishing for a compliment the majority of the people don't even know you. you're branding yourself as god's gift to women, just like people brand themselves with nike.

that wasn't an attack, just a, as you wrote, theory.
Click to expand...

im gonna agree with you. this thread makes me sad to know that a 45 yo man is bragging about how great he is on the internet.
 
D

Deleted member 25923

Guest
"make a girl laugh and you're halfway up her leg"

how do I get the other half?
 
Ignorant Genius

Ignorant Genius

Banned
el sergento said:
I'm going to blow your mind here, you ready??

The reason they have been so kind and whatnot is because (drum roll):

YOU PICKED THEM FOR THOSE EXACT REASONS


Those are obviously traits you look for in women and if they're not present (the traits) you don't date or commit to them.
Click to expand...

This is the correct answer. The OP finds women that will put up with him and still be "nice" to him. There are some women who wouldn't put up with him, and those are the ones he never gets into a relationship with.

Not to sound misogynistic, but a lot of women will put up with a lot of crap from a guy because they tie their own self-worth into "having a man"....so I'm guessing the OP is drawn to or attracts this type of woman and she winds up being nice to him because it's easier to be nice and have a boyfriend than to be "mean" and be single.
 
P

pound cat

G.O.A.T.
I think it's time for a serious relationship now that you're 50. Free advice will be generously offered on this message board as the relationship progresses.
 
H

heycal

Hall of Fame
If you morons can point to where I'm "bragging on the internet" in this thread, please do so. You imbeciles seem to be missing the point here. No wonder you guys can't get your own women...

As for the others who have actually addressed the question, there are some good theories presented.
 
H

heycal

Hall of Fame
el sergento said:
I'm going to blow your mind here, you ready??

The reason they have been so kind and whatnot is because (drum roll):

YOU PICKED THEM FOR THOSE EXACT REASONS


Those are obviously traits you look for in women and if they're not present (the traits) you don't date or commit to them.
Click to expand...

Good theory. But I think it falls short because I believe most women I've been involved with picked me more than I picked them. (Plus I'm a bit too lazy to chase women who don't seem interested.)

I've heard this theory in connection to dating in general -- that men like the women who like them.
 
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Feña14

Feña14

G.O.A.T.
heycal said:
Good theory. But I think it falls short because I believe most women I've been involved with picked me more than I picked them. (Plus I'm a bit too lazy to chase women who don't seem interested.)

I've heard this theory in connection to dating in general -- that men like the women who like them.
Click to expand...

Could be true!

The opposites the case for me though. If they like me then they would probably like anyone! That doesn't do it for me :)
 
superman1

superman1

Legend
You know, sitting here I also realized that in all the years of my life, no one on the street has ever walked up to me and punched me in the face. People have been extraordinarily kind to me and no one has ever injured or killed me.
 
S

split-step

Professional
superman1 said:
You know, sitting here I also realized that in all the years of my life, no one on the street has ever walked up to me and punched me in the face. People have been extraordinarily kind to me and no one has ever injured or killed me.
Click to expand...

a ha ha ha ha ha!

snorted coke out on this one!
 
Phil

Phil

Hall of Fame
Well with YOU, heycal, the obvious answer is that if you PAY women, especially the "working" type of woman, they'll "be good to you". 'Cause, well, it's their job. So, with that out of the way, any other questions or philosophical musings that you need me to unravel for you?
 
H

heycal

Hall of Fame
Ignorant Genius said:
The OP finds women that will put up with him and still be "nice" to him. There are some women who wouldn't put up with him, and those are the ones he never gets into a relationship with.

Not to sound misogynistic, but a lot of women will put up with a lot of crap from a guy because they tie their own self-worth into "having a man"....so I'm guessing the OP is drawn to or attracts this type of woman and she winds up being nice to him because it's easier to be nice and have a boyfriend than to be "mean" and be single.
Click to expand...

^
Maybe. It's a decent theory.

Feña14 said:
The opposites the case for me though. If they like me then they would probably like anyone! That doesn't do it for me :)
Click to expand...

Don't sell yourself short, son. I'm sure you have great qualities. Be confident!

Golden Retriever said:
Maybe it is because all your relationships didn't last long enough for them to show their true color. Try marrying one and see.
Click to expand...

I was with someone off and on -- mostly on -- for 10 years. She was very good to me. I've also had several relationships that have lasted about two years each. (Maybe one more year would have made the difference though!)

superman1 said:
You know, sitting here I also realized that in all the years of my life, no one on the street has ever walked up to me and punched me in the face. People have been extraordinarily kind to me and no one has ever injured or killed me.
Click to expand...

Consider yourself lucky. Others in our society have not been.

You've also probably never lived in a bad neighborhood in New York or L.A. And you're young yet -- we'll see how your luck holds over the long run.

Lakoste said:
Aren't you divorced heycal?
Click to expand...

No.

Bad Dog said:
Or conversely, perhaps the key to having good girlfriends would be to not marry :)
Click to expand...

Another good theory.

Phil said:
Well with YOU, heycal, the obvious answer is that if you PAY women, especially the "working" type of woman, they'll "be good to you". 'Cause, well, it's their job.
Click to expand...

Heck, I wish I could afford to Spitzer it.
 
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H

heycal

Hall of Fame
Mansewerz said:
"make a girl laugh and you're halfway up her leg"

how do I get the other half?
Click to expand...

It's a tricky question, Mansewerz, and if there were a simple and easy answer, life would be blissful.

I think there are several factors involved in closing the deal, and it's often a case by case basis, meaning what may work on one woman may not work on another. As a more or less general rule, I think women respond well to confidence and dominant traits in a man. (Wishy washy and weak willed doesn't pay off well.)

I personally wish I had the nerve and chutzpah to try harder and more often with women. Men who put real effort into it, have the gift of small talk, aren't afraid of rejection, and aren't afraid to 'cold call' women on the street or in other such settings can do amazing well for themselves. These guys realize that if you step up to the plate a hundred times a day, you make strike out 95 times, but that still leaves 5 hits. Too many of us have trouble even stepping up to the plate once.

Also, I don't think the odds are much worse with a gorgeous women than an average one. The only real difference is our perception of the situation. Sure, they may get approached a bit more often, but beautiful women are looking for love and good times just as much as anyone else is.
 
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onehandbh

onehandbh

G.O.A.T.
heycal said:
Also, I don't think the odds are much worse with a gorgeous women than an average one.
Click to expand...

Some hot women have the pick of the litter and they
know it and are used to getting away with stuff and being treated a certain
way b/c of their looks. They may not like being judged for their looks all
the time, but they enjoy the perks also. Sometimes it borders on ridiculous,
like getting free stuff at a retail store or being given extravagant gifts from
guys that they just met who they aren't even dating. Other times it's more
mundane stuff like not having to wait in line to get in a club or given
random discounts or freebees at a store. At a certain hotness level,
life becomes easier.

heycal said:
The only real difference is our perception of the situation.
Click to expand...

Just depends on the girl. Here in LA, some of the models & actresses
I know have a pretty strict height requirement. Special exceptions
are sometimes made if you're funny and filthy rich and high on the
entertainment industry food chain as long as you aren't too short.
Most runway models are a minimum of 5'9". Many are actually more
like 5'10+". This means that with heals they are like 6' or taller.
We're talking ACTUAL heights, not the self-proclaimed heights like the
TW self-rated virtual NTRP's. But nothing is absolute in life. Rules
are broken, personality and humor win out sometimes. You never
know. It's no use worrying yourself into inaction.
Just...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnM7dx4Sq2I&feature=related
... and see what happens. You never know what will happen:)

heycal said:
Sure, they may get approached a bit more often, but beautiful women are looking for love and good times just as much as anyone else is.
Click to expand...

... and they think they can find it with Heycal.
 
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H

heycal

Hall of Fame
No question attractive women are treated much differently by the world and routinely get what I call the the "PD". (The second word in that stands for 'discount'.)

I'm just saying they need love too, so don't be afraid of them. Hot women may spend some Saturday nights alone too. You will often see attractive woman with guys who posess no obvious advantage over other men, and I bet part of the reason is that those men had the confidence and nerve to go after those women.

Of course, all this is easier said and done, and it sure does seem harder to approach some perfect 10 than a more ordinary woman...
 
35ft6

35ft6

Legend
Also, I don't think the odds are much worse with a gorgeous women than an average one.
Click to expand...
Of course the odds are worse. Beauty is like money, the more you have, the more power you have. A friend was talking about the experience he had buying a car when the salesman realized how much money he made. All of the sudden, they were treating him differently, ready to make concessions that weren't mentioned earlier, etc. It seems backwards that salespeople were suddenly willing to lower costs after learning the buyer had more money but they simply suddenly realized this guy had the freedom to go wherever he wanted, he had a lot of options. It's kind of the same way with beautiful women. They have a lot of options so they can demand more. It's not evil, they're looking after their own best interests. When a girl knows they can pretty much "have" any guy they want, they get to be pickier. Sure, they want a guy who is charming and kind, and if there are lot of those, she might decide on top of those things, she wants somebody rich. I see nothing wrong with that. There are no victims in this scenario.
 
H

heycal

Hall of Fame
35ft6 said:
Of course the odds are worse. Beauty is like money, the more you have, the more power you have.
Click to expand...

Not all girls realize they are beautiful, and not all the ones who do realize they are beautiful use it to exert power or control or to try and maximize their returns on their beauty like it's some sort of commodity.

But hey, if you think beautiful women are out of your league, they are...
 
onehandbh

onehandbh

G.O.A.T.
heycal said:
Not all girls realize they are beautiful, and not all the ones who do realize they are beautiful use it to exert power or control or to try and maximize their returns on their beauty like it's some sort of commodity.

But hey, if you think beautiful women are out of your league, they are...
Click to expand...

The odds are just going to be tougher b/c they have more options.
On the other hand, there are also the hot girls w/low self esteem
and a history of abuse and/or Daddy issues who feel lucky just to have
a boyfriend (who often treats them like crap). I hope you don't fall
into this category.

Then there are all the girls who have had a bunch work done on them...
Some of the work is so good you'd never know. The downside
of course is that people are rarely one and done. It's like having
a Ferrari that's always in the shop getting work done. This downtime
is going to cut into the number of hours you have behind the wheel...
Unfortunately, it can be addicting and you can end up like this:
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl...n&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=1&ct=image&cd=1


I'd say that all the hot models and actresses I know realize they are
beautiful. Are they hard on themselves? Many are. Like they'll point to a
spot on their body that's basically skin over bones and complain about all
the fat there.
 
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35ft6

35ft6

Legend
Normally, I wouldn't see this since you're on ignore with the other top crackpots of this board, but...
Not all girls realize they are beautiful, and not all the ones who do realize they are beautiful use it to exert power or control or to try and maximize their returns on their beauty like it's some sort of commodity.
Click to expand...
They don't look at it that way, it's insecure guys who would characterize what they do in such negative terms. They're doing what all people do: dating the highest caliber of person available to them.
But hey, if you think beautiful women are out of your league, they are...
Click to expand...
Out of league? Not even sure what that means since it's such a strawman, but here's another earth shattering revelation: rich men have more options. A woman with beauty is like a man with money and power. This isn't to say only rich men get hot girls, just pointing out some really mundane stuff here since it seems you might have missed the memo.
 
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35ft6

35ft6

Legend
onehandbh said:
The odds are just going to be tougher b/c they have more options.
Click to expand...
Yeah, we're talking odds in the literal sense, like numerically, there will be more guys interested in a good looking girl. At least in the places I've lived. So if you're the only guy courting a 40 year old single overweight mother, your odds are better than if you're one of 10 guys actively pursuing the 20 yo model.
On the other hand, there are also the hot girls w/low self esteem
and a history of abuse and/or Daddy issues who feel lucky just to have
a boyfriend (who often treats them like crap).
Click to expand...
I would say this isn't a problem unique to beautiful girls. In fact, there are way more ugly girls with low self esteem who stay in abusive relationships, but I admit it's much more remarkable when gorgeous girls behave this way since it's obvious to outsiders they have a choice.

I agree that every great looking girl I know knows she's hot (this might also be a NYC and LA thing... assuming they moved here because they knew being hot would help in Hollywood...). They might still be insecure but it's nothing really beyond normal human insecurity (or if anything, it's the insecurity of having to audition... these girls might have been the most beautiful girl in their town but suddenly they're in a hallway with 40 girls who are just as hot and hotter... so the absurdity of their surroundings might make them insecure, but I wouldn't say being beautiful contributes per se...). Overall, the ones I know are more confident than average looking girls and probably average looking people in general. But maybe what Heycal considers beautiful I would consider "okay," so that might explain why she doesn't know.

Also, when it comes down to it, I really haven't noticed a negative correlation between beauty and brains, or beauty and friendliness. But maybe it's because in LA all the hottest girls are actresses and they're always selling themselves. Not sure.
 
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H

heycal

Hall of Fame
35ft6 said:
They don't look at it that way, it's insecure guys who would characterize what they do in such negative terms.
Click to expand...

Those are your type of terms, genius, not mine. You were the one making such characterizations and looking at the issue like it was just a matter of supply and demand or what have you. It's not so simple.

But like I said, if you have such defeatest thinking about this issue, or think these women are out of reach to you because you don't make five million a year, you are right. Women don't like whiny sorts who lack confidence in themselves. Plus, if you don't have the discipline to ignore people who are supposedly on your ignore list, you probably lack backbone in others areas as well.
 
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certifiedjatt

certifiedjatt

Banned
heycal said:
If you morons can point to where I'm "bragging on the internet" in this thread, please do so. You imbeciles seem to be missing the point here. No wonder you guys can't get your own women...

As for the others who have actually addressed the question, there are some good theories presented.
Click to expand...

uhhhh..what about "why are my girlfriends so good to me?" as the topic of a thread? i'm going to file that under "bragging." and it really is lame that you're 45 and thought that this topic would solicit profound responses on a forum that includes people as young as 12. go ask your friends. go ask your girlfriends why they're so nice to you. couldn't you find a more reliable, mature forum to pose a question like that?
 
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