Just played a match in my local tennis league and lost two very close sets and had two set points in the second set but bottled them both. I know we play this game for fun and i did really enjoy the match but i cant stop thinking about them two set points and what i shoud have done differntly. Was thinking does anyone else lose sleep over losing a match or is this just me?
How much do you hate losing?
- Thread starter will3689
- Start date
Turbo-87
G.O.A.T.
I tend not to. The only time I ever do is if I know I played bad due to silly unforced errors and concentration issues. If I help myself lose the match, I will stew about it for a bit and try to figure out what was causing me to not execute.
Don't get me wrong, I do like to win but losing doesn't hurt that bad if I can learn something from it and work on it.
Don't get me wrong, I do like to win but losing doesn't hurt that bad if I can learn something from it and work on it.
mikeler
Moderator
That line is accurate for me.
I think my thoughts came from a background of team sports and real individual sports, where your performance is more important than what you do to interact with other's.
Team sports, you do your 1/5th, or 1/11ths. ONE mistake from any of the guys can lose it for the team.
Individual sports, like surfing, skiing, and motocross, is dependent on your performance, the other guys matter little or nothing. Sure, they can crash you out, they can get in your way, but that's incidental contact.
Even in golf, what YOU do is what matters. Don't matter if your foursome is comprised of one Lefty, one hottie, and one duffer. What YOU do is what counts.
Same as in tennis. If I play well, I can easily play strong 4.5.
If I suck as usual, I can peek down into 3.5 with a good look.
Team sports, you do your 1/5th, or 1/11ths. ONE mistake from any of the guys can lose it for the team.
Individual sports, like surfing, skiing, and motocross, is dependent on your performance, the other guys matter little or nothing. Sure, they can crash you out, they can get in your way, but that's incidental contact.
Even in golf, what YOU do is what matters. Don't matter if your foursome is comprised of one Lefty, one hottie, and one duffer. What YOU do is what counts.
Same as in tennis. If I play well, I can easily play strong 4.5.
If I suck as usual, I can peek down into 3.5 with a good look.
dizzlmcwizzl
Hall of Fame
I tend not to focus on having lost when I lose. Rather I usually focus on the root cause of the problem ... ie. returns, fitness etc.
I actually wish I played a more competitive collection of opponents so I would lose a little more often. If so, I would focus on improvement in my game more. When I manage to win ugly it does not have the same motivational factor as loosing does.
I actually wish I played a more competitive collection of opponents so I would lose a little more often. If so, I would focus on improvement in my game more. When I manage to win ugly it does not have the same motivational factor as loosing does.
cluckcluck
Hall of Fame
I used to care a lot about loosing, but as I have gotten older, I really don't care about it anymore. I just try to go out and hit my shots.
Loosing sucks, there's no two ways about that; but it's the way you handle yourself after you loose that counts. Congratulate your opponent and work on your game for the next time you play a match.
Loosing sucks, there's no two ways about that; but it's the way you handle yourself after you loose that counts. Congratulate your opponent and work on your game for the next time you play a match.
dlam
Semi-Pro
This true for me as well.
Some days when I like winning more than hate losing then I will play more of a net game than a baseline game.
Fuji
Legend
It depends on who I'm hitting with. I practice a lot with top level guys, so I don't mind losing to them as I really expect to take my lumps from them when they heat it up.
That being said I now despise losing to people at my level. It drives me up the wall. I used to play only for fun, but now that I'm able to hang with guys who are better, it kills me inside to lose to people at my level.
Stupid mentality? I think so. Does it motivate me to work harder and make sure I don't lose? Yes. :razz:
To me now, losing sucks and I definitely go through the replays in my head. I have a check list that I use religiously after every time I have a match on what I did, what I didn't do, and what I can do to improve that. It's a bit extreme, but it helps.
-Fuji
That being said I now despise losing to people at my level. It drives me up the wall. I used to play only for fun, but now that I'm able to hang with guys who are better, it kills me inside to lose to people at my level.
Stupid mentality? I think so. Does it motivate me to work harder and make sure I don't lose? Yes. :razz:
To me now, losing sucks and I definitely go through the replays in my head. I have a check list that I use religiously after every time I have a match on what I did, what I didn't do, and what I can do to improve that. It's a bit extreme, but it helps.
-Fuji
anubis
Hall of Fame
I only dislike losing when it's my fault. If I "handed the game" to my opponent by hitting tons of UEs, then I can feel pretty down in the dumps.
On the flip side, I also dislike winning if I didn't try very hard, if I got tired or desperate or whatever and just started to push, or otherwise be "gentle" with the ball.
On the flip side, I also dislike winning if I didn't try very hard, if I got tired or desperate or whatever and just started to push, or otherwise be "gentle" with the ball.
I watched as an A player, playing in the finals, smashed TWO of his rackets during the changeover. He was winning 6-2, 5-2 at the time. He ended up winning the tourney with a 6-4 in the second set.
He complained about his lack of fire, his slow prep, and his mishits from the start of his warmup.
His opponent was a pusher who shouldn't have gotten that far.
He complained about his lack of fire, his slow prep, and his mishits from the start of his warmup.
His opponent was a pusher who shouldn't have gotten that far.
dlam
Semi-Pro
I think with team sports there's a captain or coach to direct movement or give pep talks or sits you on the bench when you not playing well
In tennis you have to be try self motivate when playing badly or give yourself praise when playing well
It's a lot more mental
A really good player can carry a team and you can tune out
Can't go that in tennis
Losing bothers me if my loss costs my team a league match. Otherwise, since I am still "reacquainting" myself with tennis I look at losses to examine what I need to do to improve and figure out how to play particular player types...like pushers. It has taken me this long to figure out a racket/string configuration I like playing with.
enishi1357
Semi-Pro
If i lose but i didnt learn anything from it then I would be pissed. chances are i will lose to the same type of player again. Most of all i wouldnt be able to enjoy the match knowing I lose to that type of player before.
OrangePower
Legend
I don't like to lose... but if losing a rec tennis match is the worst thing that happened that week, that's a good week in the grand scheme of things.
Andreas1965
Rookie
Losing to better players: I don't care if I did my best. If not I try to analyze what went wrong
Losing to equal players: I hate that
Losing to lesser players: Makes me mad. Thank god this happens not too often.
This year I only remember 2 lost matches that really made me sleepless. Both against equal skilled opponents. I did almost everything right, just the few false decisions...
Losing to equal players: I hate that
Losing to lesser players: Makes me mad. Thank god this happens not too often.
This year I only remember 2 lost matches that really made me sleepless. Both against equal skilled opponents. I did almost everything right, just the few false decisions...
Sakkijarvi
Semi-Pro
Everyone is wired differently IMO, some are passive types, then there are highly competitive people. Some folks bring therapy dogs to hospitals for a living, some guys are into cage fighting as a profession.
I hate losing, period. And the fact that there are 'hungry children in Bangladesh' doesn't change that, tennis is compartmentalized ... when I am playing tennis. The hatred of losing drives me when I am playing one of the D1 juniors I know, and wakes me up when I am letting match slip away to a lower ranked pusher.
A lot of coaching experience here, so I am well acquainted with the nice big fake smile and handshake at the end and shutting down the intensity once you see your team has lost a game. Different in personal tennis since the clock never runs out.
Anyway, losing means breaking it down for next time. Losing brings focus and passion. You are who you are, if you accept losing, 'don't care' good for you. I don't think it makes you somehow better than someone that is intensely competitive ... although I have noticed these laid back types sometimes think their approach is somehow superior...
I hate losing, period. And the fact that there are 'hungry children in Bangladesh' doesn't change that, tennis is compartmentalized ... when I am playing tennis. The hatred of losing drives me when I am playing one of the D1 juniors I know, and wakes me up when I am letting match slip away to a lower ranked pusher.
A lot of coaching experience here, so I am well acquainted with the nice big fake smile and handshake at the end and shutting down the intensity once you see your team has lost a game. Different in personal tennis since the clock never runs out.
Anyway, losing means breaking it down for next time. Losing brings focus and passion. You are who you are, if you accept losing, 'don't care' good for you. I don't think it makes you somehow better than someone that is intensely competitive ... although I have noticed these laid back types sometimes think their approach is somehow superior...
Tennusdude
Semi-Pro
I play tennis every single day at Jimmy Evert Tennis Center. I play with many different people. The only time I really hate losing is when I am playing a real jerk who doesnt give you credit no matter how spectacular a shot you hit. And even after you bagel them, they offer no congratulations.
Otherwise I have gotten so old (55) and decrepit that I enjoy losing at times and actually welcome it. I feel good for my opponents as I am a good player and they are so pleased to have beaten me. I find I have alot more energy for the rest of the day when I go down like the Titanic on the tennis court.
When I first became a decent tennis player, I was good friends with the number one singles player at the college in my town. He used to clean my clock regularly although once in a while I would win a set or even a match! I was younger and eager to come right back after a bad loss.
Now that I am older and have won many matches and played on USTA League teams (even went to Nationals), played on club teams etc, I really have come to appreciate it when my opponent wins, I even feel happy for them. I guess it is easier now because most of the people I play are my friends.
Also when I was younger I always wanted everyone to thing I was a great tennis player. That was important to me. Now years later my friends keep telling me what a terrific player I am, it is nice but it not that important to me, what is important is that they think I am fun person to play tennis with and to be able to laugh and talk about the match once its over.
Boy am I getting OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Otherwise I have gotten so old (55) and decrepit that I enjoy losing at times and actually welcome it. I feel good for my opponents as I am a good player and they are so pleased to have beaten me. I find I have alot more energy for the rest of the day when I go down like the Titanic on the tennis court.
When I first became a decent tennis player, I was good friends with the number one singles player at the college in my town. He used to clean my clock regularly although once in a while I would win a set or even a match! I was younger and eager to come right back after a bad loss.
Now that I am older and have won many matches and played on USTA League teams (even went to Nationals), played on club teams etc, I really have come to appreciate it when my opponent wins, I even feel happy for them. I guess it is easier now because most of the people I play are my friends.
Also when I was younger I always wanted everyone to thing I was a great tennis player. That was important to me. Now years later my friends keep telling me what a terrific player I am, it is nice but it not that important to me, what is important is that they think I am fun person to play tennis with and to be able to laugh and talk about the match once its over.
Boy am I getting OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OrangePower
Legend
You hit the nail on the head with your "tennis is compartmentalized" comment... losing sucks and should be fuel for improvement etc, and ok to have passion about it... but when people let it cross over into other aspects of their life (e.g. are irritable with their family because they lost a tennis match earlier in the day), then I think that's taking it too seriously. Like you say, you have to be able to compartmentalize.
jc4.0
Professional
I have also played at JETC, once on the night league there - lots of great players. I'm just a few years younger than you but I do agree that it's okay to lose. I don't enjoy it, but it doesn't ruin my day, I just try to learn from the loss. I don't need anybody to tell me how "great" I am, I just play as well as I can and enjoy each day on court. The alternative: to not play tennis today, for whatever reason!
Tennusdude
Semi-Pro
Hey jc4.0
Why are you banned? Just curious what that means?
Why are you banned? Just curious what that means?
InspectorRacquet
Semi-Pro
No one is allowed to know why someone is banned. It's because he/she violated the rules here on TTW. Being banned means the user's posts still exist as part of the thread, but the account of said user remains permanently deactivated.
As long as this thread is bumped though...
I only hate losing to pushers, like everyone else here. Losing in general tells me what I need to improve. I've lost many more matches than I've actually won in competitive settings, which is how I learned that losing is the only way to get better - as long as you don't get mad over it. Then you just think your opponent got lucky.
mikeler
Moderator
This user violated TTW policies.
Gonzalito17
Banned
Hate losing. Hate missing balls while just hitting. Hate to miss any ball period. Seek perfection though know it's unattainable. But sometimes come close. Sometimes actually play sets in USTA tournaments and make 2-3 UEs in a set. THis mindset has helped make me a strong 4.5 player after starting late. Won over 20 tournaments so far. Strong iron will to win, winning is a high like a drug, it really is.
dcdoorknob
Hall of Fame
It's not always permanent. I also don't think we're allowed to know or ask if it is permanent.
Tennusdude
Semi-Pro
Luckily for me, my best friend growing up was a pusher. I learned quickly that all I had to do was be patient. I would keep the ball in play until he gave me a weak shot and then I would try to put that shot away, knowing full well it may still come back a few more times. Never overhit the ball when playing a pusher. That is how they win. There is no way around it, you will spend a long time on court beating a pusher, but that doesnt mean you cant win every single game you play against them. It just wont be easy. But remember they really cannot hurt you, they can only make you hurt yourself.
Joeyg
Semi-Pro
I hate losing more than I enjoy winning.
BoomstickTPH
New User
The reason I hate losing is I never show what I have. I have more than enough to beat some of the people in my HS team. I guess I need to go confidence training...
winstonplum
Hall of Fame
Great thread. I've realized the better I get, the more I hate losing. When I got back into playing tennis over 3 years ago, and I was sucking wind in the second set, then winning or losing wasn't that big of a deal. I'm fitter now and know what I'm doing (most of the time). I'm playing some strong 4.0 tennis (the 3.5s I started with in September of 2009 don't want to play me anymore) and yesterday I beat a very strong 4.5 doubles player.
I lose sleep. I am walking around work and have to stop because the anger of those set points blown or those match points blown stops me in my tracks. How the fu&* did that happen? What the fu*& was I thinking? (in the match). I took a painful, painful beat Saturday. I'm hoping it makes me razor sharp the next time I go out. One thing about losing set points and match points I've realized (since Saturday) is that what makes them so painful is that was when YOU wanted to win the match, when YOU expected to win the match. The greatest players in the world (Federer for example; see USO 2011) have trouble coming back when they lose a match point or two. The psychological pain of having it right there, RIGHT THERE, and then seeing it recede again is staggering. Realizing all the work you put in to get it right there and then have to basically start from scratch can be a Job-like blow. How to over come that? Still trying to figure it out.
max
Legend
This is the world's toughest question.
For me, I realized in my 30s that tennis was just a game, and that I'd played thousands of games of tennis. It's hard to have the same "gotta kill" thing that you do when you're younger and just getting into the sport.
At the same time, it's simply more enjoyable to win than lose. But I can't crush myself over a loss anymore; I might've done this back when I was 19.
I suppose much of this rests on how a person views himself: is tennis his one Big Kahuna? or is there a lot of different things he prides himself on being able to do reasonably well?
There is also a category of competition known as a "good loss": one of my best games ended very closely. I lost, but I know I played some of my best tennis in that one match, so I felt pretty good about seeing that come out of it. But would've been nicer to have won the damn thing.
For me, I realized in my 30s that tennis was just a game, and that I'd played thousands of games of tennis. It's hard to have the same "gotta kill" thing that you do when you're younger and just getting into the sport.
At the same time, it's simply more enjoyable to win than lose. But I can't crush myself over a loss anymore; I might've done this back when I was 19.
I suppose much of this rests on how a person views himself: is tennis his one Big Kahuna? or is there a lot of different things he prides himself on being able to do reasonably well?
There is also a category of competition known as a "good loss": one of my best games ended very closely. I lost, but I know I played some of my best tennis in that one match, so I felt pretty good about seeing that come out of it. But would've been nicer to have won the damn thing.
Gonzalito17
Banned
I have heard some boxers say they are willing to die to not lose a match. Vitali Klitschko said that after his fight with Derek Chisora earlier this year. Some tennis players play tennis, or so it seems, with that kind of fury and drive.
Doesn't/couldn't apply here.
Vitaly is the best, highest trained fighter in the bigs division.
YOU might only be a 5.0, and would lose to every single 6.0 no matter what racket you use, what tactics, how hard you hit, or how fit you are. You have no chance whatsoever.
You can only win consistently against weaker opponent's than you.
Against a true peer, your records would be EVEN.
Vitaly is the best, highest trained fighter in the bigs division.
YOU might only be a 5.0, and would lose to every single 6.0 no matter what racket you use, what tactics, how hard you hit, or how fit you are. You have no chance whatsoever.
You can only win consistently against weaker opponent's than you.
Against a true peer, your records would be EVEN.
Paul Murphy
Hall of Fame
I hate losing but particularly when I'm in a position to win.
A couple of weeks ago I was up 3-0 and had my opponent 30-40 only to lose in a breaker.
That kind of loss I really hate.
A couple of weeks ago I was up 3-0 and had my opponent 30-40 only to lose in a breaker.
That kind of loss I really hate.
Angle Queen
Professional
Good thread and a lot that I can agree with. My favorite line, these days is, "I can be here...or home cleaning toilets." (cleaned up, depending on the company). But it's true. I'm competitive as the next person but, in the end, it's just tennis. My paycheck will not change at the end of the day.
Particularly don't like losing to something I don't like (personality-wise) or someone I think I could/should/have beaten or when my loss means the team lost....but it's a perspective thing. Friends or family members with terminal illnesses, heck even your own sick kids, are there enough funds to pay the bills and food in the fridge...all of that's more important than any final score. I always sleep well at night...having played that day, regardless of the outcome.
Particularly don't like losing to something I don't like (personality-wise) or someone I think I could/should/have beaten or when my loss means the team lost....but it's a perspective thing. Friends or family members with terminal illnesses, heck even your own sick kids, are there enough funds to pay the bills and food in the fridge...all of that's more important than any final score. I always sleep well at night...having played that day, regardless of the outcome.
dizzlmcwizzl
Hall of Fame
For three straight years on my first league team not won of my wins made a difference in the match outcome .... every time I won it was a lopsided match score (4-1 or 5-0 one way or the other).
However, every time I personally lost, the team lost 3-2. So not only did I fail to contribute to wins, but I took personal responsibility for each loss.
----
However, every time I personally lost, the team lost 3-2. So not only did I fail to contribute to wins, but I took personal responsibility for each loss.
----
TomT
Hall of Fame
Well, I've never lost sleep over losing at anything. But I can empathize with your discomfort over losing a very close match. I've blown more set and match points than you can shake a stick at.
You probably just tightened up a bit on those set points because you really wanted and were really trying to win. That's not a bad thing. Happens to everybody from time to time. Hey, that's what makes competition fun and interesting, and challenging.
Hopefully you're a better and wiser player because of your experience, both winning and losing.
Kipling ...
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss.
...
Don't worry about the past. It doesn't exist any more. But remember it, because it's what we learn and grow from.
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TomT
Hall of Fame
I like your attitude. This is how I'm approaching my return to tennis (after almost 40 years of not playing) as a relatively old guy. I'm having a lot of fun. Not winning much, but, I think, slowly improving. Playing against better players elevates and, I think, improves all aspects of my game.
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In rec league play you can't focus on WL. In any given division at low-mid level (3.0-3.5 or so) you encounter so much skill diversity you shouldn't get cocky over easy wins nor depressed over big losses. But that's nit the same thing as fighting hard to win and trying hard to improve.
I focus on skill improvement relative to those I can beat at will, those who challenge me, and those against whom I have no hope. There are players who proved a challenge two years ago that I can beat at will now. Others I have no hope of playing let alone beating but still enjoy watching for clues on how to play better. For me a loss to a better player should provide an opportunity to learn. A win over a weaker player is a chance to work on tougher shots.
And I focus on skill improvement independent of competition. I get as much pleasure practicing and improving my serve as I do winning a match. I used to fear serving and now I truly relish it.
We're rec players. We don't have sponsors or fans and don't play for prize money. Nobody will remember our records or care about them. I doubt many of us can name our local city champion for a given level in a given rec league for a given season (in ATL for singles we have Peach Tennis, T2, Ultimate, USTA, and League at the very least...I can't name one city champ at ANY level). I've never read an article in a local paper about rec league results. The only I see that is on the rec league website!
All that being said whether I win or lose I enjoy a post match analysis to figure out why. It's like a puzzle and figuring out those answers provides clues to how to play the next match.
I focus on skill improvement relative to those I can beat at will, those who challenge me, and those against whom I have no hope. There are players who proved a challenge two years ago that I can beat at will now. Others I have no hope of playing let alone beating but still enjoy watching for clues on how to play better. For me a loss to a better player should provide an opportunity to learn. A win over a weaker player is a chance to work on tougher shots.
And I focus on skill improvement independent of competition. I get as much pleasure practicing and improving my serve as I do winning a match. I used to fear serving and now I truly relish it.
We're rec players. We don't have sponsors or fans and don't play for prize money. Nobody will remember our records or care about them. I doubt many of us can name our local city champion for a given level in a given rec league for a given season (in ATL for singles we have Peach Tennis, T2, Ultimate, USTA, and League at the very least...I can't name one city champ at ANY level). I've never read an article in a local paper about rec league results. The only I see that is on the rec league website!
All that being said whether I win or lose I enjoy a post match analysis to figure out why. It's like a puzzle and figuring out those answers provides clues to how to play the next match.
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