BlueClayGOAT
Semi-Pro
1.) Must, absolutely must, take a million hours before each serve by pulling shorts from ass, bouncing ball, wiping nose, then one ear, then the other, bouncing ball more, grimacing, and then serving.
If first serve is a fault, must go through whole routine again.
2.) Bottle labels must be aligned at exactly 37.2 degrees from the line of the net. If this is not done, the topspin gods desert him.
3.) Must hit the jerkiest 2 handed backhand of all time, like he's hewing down an oak with an ax. Uncle Toni has put in strict injunctions to make no concessions whatsoever to aesthetics, so under no circumstances can the BH resemble smoothness.
4.) Must not approach the net more than 4.6 times a match, despite having a very good volley. Points won quickly and without grinding your knees to dust after 62 shot rallies are not counted under ATP rules.
5.) The length of his sleeves must increase and the length of his shorts must decrease by exactly 0.6 millimeters every match throughout his career. Uncle Toni checks this after every match. This will result in a gradually changing wardrobe over a long career. When the shorts become a G-string with a pouch in the front, and the shirt sleeves go past the second knuckle, that's when the Rafalito hangs up his racket for good. Current estimates put this time at around the year 2031. Expect more RG destruction till then.
6.) Must run to the baseline after the coin toss faster than he runs at any point during the actual match. This helps to psyche opponents out when they behold the blinding speed of the Rafalito and they defeat themselves mentally.
7.) If the average distance he stands back from the baseline in a match while receiving serve is less than approximately 36 meters, Uncle Toni makes him rewatch Federer winning Madrid 2012 on blue clay on an endless video loop for 2 days. This traumatizes the Rafalito, so must not be allowed to happen.
If first serve is a fault, must go through whole routine again.
2.) Bottle labels must be aligned at exactly 37.2 degrees from the line of the net. If this is not done, the topspin gods desert him.
3.) Must hit the jerkiest 2 handed backhand of all time, like he's hewing down an oak with an ax. Uncle Toni has put in strict injunctions to make no concessions whatsoever to aesthetics, so under no circumstances can the BH resemble smoothness.
4.) Must not approach the net more than 4.6 times a match, despite having a very good volley. Points won quickly and without grinding your knees to dust after 62 shot rallies are not counted under ATP rules.
5.) The length of his sleeves must increase and the length of his shorts must decrease by exactly 0.6 millimeters every match throughout his career. Uncle Toni checks this after every match. This will result in a gradually changing wardrobe over a long career. When the shorts become a G-string with a pouch in the front, and the shirt sleeves go past the second knuckle, that's when the Rafalito hangs up his racket for good. Current estimates put this time at around the year 2031. Expect more RG destruction till then.
6.) Must run to the baseline after the coin toss faster than he runs at any point during the actual match. This helps to psyche opponents out when they behold the blinding speed of the Rafalito and they defeat themselves mentally.
7.) If the average distance he stands back from the baseline in a match while receiving serve is less than approximately 36 meters, Uncle Toni makes him rewatch Federer winning Madrid 2012 on blue clay on an endless video loop for 2 days. This traumatizes the Rafalito, so must not be allowed to happen.
