To me, as a man who has played tennis for ~15 years, the subject of gender as it relates to tennis is one that continues to fascinate/trouble me.
My wife and I took up the sport precisely because it is one of the few sports in which men and women can play together, as part of a team. We played volleyball for awhile, which also qualified in this respect, but as we reached our 30s we felt like we no longer fit in all that well with the volleyball crowd - most of whom were in their early 20s. So, we switched to tennis.
Despite tennis being a sport in which men and women can play with and against each other, I've come to believe more and more over the years that there is a strong undercurrent of sexism that is increasingly difficult for me to ignore. This discussion is an example of that. (No offense to the OP, or anyone who has posted. I don't mean that anyone is intentionally being sexist. The purpose of the original question was clearly to determine mores of etiquette, but the premise of the discussion - whether women should be treated the same as men - is incontrovertibly sexist.)
The answer, of course, is you, as a man, should treat a woman the same way you would treat a man.
- If, in a recreational men's doubles match you take it a little easier on an opposing player who doesn't play at the same level you do, then if you are playing a mixed match and the opposing woman meets that same criteria, then go ahead and take it a little easier on her too.
- If, in a men's USTA league match or tournament, you do whatever you can (within the rules, of course) to win the match, up to and including picking on the weaker opponent, then you should do the same in a mixed match.
Personally, I believe it's time for a change in the NTRP rating system. I posted a
poll a few years back on this topic, and while the poll was poorly worded, it appears that at a ratio of about 4:1 tennis players would prefer a gender-neutral rating system. By that I mean a rating system that is entirely based on tennis outcomes. If player A has about an even record playing against players who are rated 3.0, then Player A should be rated 3.0 - regardless of whether Player A is a man or a woman, and regardless of the gender of the players he/she played. Evidently TenCap has created just such a rating system, but for it to really work I think the USTA would have to adopt/promote something.
Among the advantages to such a system would be a (probably gradual) reduction in sexist attitudes - at least in respect to the sport of tennis.
Imagine never again having to think about things like:
- How should I play to the woman in a MxD match? (The tennis playing ability of everyone on the opposite side of the court is roughly equal to yours, so you better play your best or you will likely lose.)
- Is it ok to have a woman sub for me in my men's Tuesday night 3.5 club league? (If she's rated 3.5, then "Yes." Then again, you might very well no longer have a "men's" Tuesday night league, but rather simply a Tue night 3.5 league.)
- Is it ok to have a man sub for me in my women's Tue night 4.0 club league? (See above)
And imagine how many more potential opponents you could have - particularly if you are a currently high-rated woman or low-rated man. 4.5 women in a lot of areas are likely relegated to playing the same 10-30 women all year. And for those who work, there might not be any evening leagues available at all. Move to a gender-neutral system though, and those women could play with like-skilled men - opening up more playing opportunities.
Similarly, 2.5 rated men might not be able to find a lot of playing partners. What if they could play in leagues with women who are currently rated 3.0-3.5?
Sorry to steal the thread, but the more I think about this, and the more I see discussions like this, the more sense a gender-neutral rating system seems to make. I suppose I'm hoping enough other tennis players begin to feel the same way and maybe the USTA will actually recognize the groundswell and make the change.
IMO, it's way past time to do so.