The worst kind of player - What should I do?

[The_Feather]

I’ve been dealing with a certain player in my area who just won’t quit, and I don’t really know what to do. First of all, I randomly met him one night, we found a similar interest in stringing and the technical side of the game. He’s a decent player and had some good practice sessions with him.
Then after the two or three times we had a hit, he would randomly just start showing up to the courts where I was playing at, by himself, and would ask to “rotate in”. The thing is, I would usually be in the middle of a match or set. So totally inconvenient and rude. After the two times me and my partner allowed him to rotate in (Aussie Doubles), he would regularly show up and just walk onto the court and wait to just walk on without saying anything.
The biggest ****er about this is that he not only never bring a new can of balls or anything, he critiques every stroke that me and my partner made, “That’s an interesting technique.” “No, no, no, step into the ball and drive through it.”
Then he started in with the phone calls and text messages, “Are you hitting tonight?” “What time are you and ‘X’ hitting?” Most recently, “Are you home? Would like to come by and look at your machine/racket collection/strings/etc.”
It’s just getting really uncomfortable and I feel bad for the guy because apparently we’re not the only guys in our area that don’t want to play with him…lots and lots of players have or have had similar experiences with him.
It’s getting to the point where I want to change location so this guy just doesn’t show up and assume he can walk on, I have recently told him that I will be practicing singles exclusively for a few months.
Should I get a restraining order (totally joking)

 

[coyote]

Tennis stalker? Tell him that it is not him but you. You aren't ready for this kind of commitment.

Seriously, I would change locations.

 

[Say Chi Sin Lo]

Tennis stalker? Tell him that it is not him but you. You aren't ready for this kind of commitment.

Seriously, I would change locations.

I don't know about that, if I'm comfortable at a particular park, I won't be moving because some people don't understand simple etiquette.

 

[heftylefty]

Dude, that's some "Single White Female" stuff!

Start carrying pepper spray in your bag.

 

[The_Feather]

He's harmless as he's in his late 50's (I think) so I wouldn't need pepper spray.

I guess it's just hard to say "Look pal, I appreciate you wanting to hit but I don't want to play tennis with you." It shouldn't be that hard right?

I've never been good with break-ups.

 

[heftylefty]

He's harmless as he's in his late 50's (I think) so I wouldn't need pepper spray.

I guess it's just hard to say "Look pal, I appreciate you wanting to hit but I don't want to play tennis with you." It shouldn't be that hard right?

I've never been good with break-ups.

Or introduce him to people you know.

 

[mawashi]

The problem is you didn't set ground rules before you allowed him into your games.

Tell him what you expect of him and if he doesn't meet those, you can very easily tell him bye bye.

 

[LeeD]

There's a word in the English language that is sometimes used....

NO

 

[Nostradamus]

Tennis stalker? Tell him that it is not him but you. You aren't ready for this kind of commitment.

Seriously, I would change locations.

I think best way is to say, I already have a good friend and I enjoy playing tennis with him and being friends with and right now I really don't have time for another friend. Sorry.

 

[spot]

You seriously have a problem of playing singles and not being able to tell someone that you don't want to play with 3 people? Seriously? I guess I could sort of get it if you were playing singles and he showed up with a partner and wanted to play doubles. I wouldn't feel any NEED to do it but I would at least get it. I don't understand at all how someone wanting to jump in as a third is a tough situation.

 

[Chip 'n Charge]

Reminds me of the "Pool Guy" episode from Seinfeld . . .

 

[tennis_ocd]

I think best way is to say, I already have a good friend and I enjoy playing tennis with him and being friends with and right now I really don't have time for another friend. Sorry.

"Timing's not right; I'm already in a long-term, committed tennis relationship and we're trying to make it work."

Play at a busy city court and this type of issue is very common. Amusing to see how guys handle it; some incredibly blunt -- and they are forever free. Others (me) too accommodating and not happy afterwards. (It can be painful to miss a good double match because you've just committed to hitting with someone for 15 minutes.)

I'd tell this guy you hate 3-man tennis and are only going to play singles. Tell him you can play him singles on Wed, 7 to 8.

 

[beernutz]

You seriously have a problem of playing singles and not being able to tell someone that you don't want to play with 3 people? Seriously? I guess I could sort of get it if you were playing singles and he showed up with a partner and wanted to play doubles. I wouldn't feel any NEED to do it but I would at least get it. I don't understand at all how someone wanting to jump in as a third is a tough situation.

This times 100. The guy is not abusing you, you are allowing yourself to be abused. There is a difference.

 

[Bdarb]

Tell him tennis is played with 2 or 4 people.

 

[jswinf]

Or introduce him to people you know.

...and don't like much.

 

[NTexas]

Where have we went wrong as a society? whats wrong with just setting the guy down and actually telling him why you dont want to hit with him? try this and the both of you will be better.

 

[Bdarb]

Where have we went wrong as a society? whats wrong with just setting the guy down and actually telling him why you dont want to hit with him? try this and the both of you will be better.

Seriously. Heaven forbid we're direct with someone and hurt their feelings. You don't even have to be rude about it. If he acts snotty like you're being rude then I'd let him know, 'hey youre being ridiculous stop it. '

 

[sureshs]

None of you thought to ask if the OP is female

 

[mawashi]

Can someone please jut put up a sign saying no leeches please?

 

[Nostradamus]

Can someone please jut put up a sign saying no leeches please?

if you give him leeches, he may use it for fishing too. many tennis players are fisherman as well.

 

[Silent]

Let me get this straight.

You had fun times with the guy, now you don't like him anymore but you're not telling him, yet you let him indulge in his desires, and you wonder why he keeps showing up ?

That's a real head scratcher...

Listen, just tell him:"I'd rather play singles, so when I'm already with someone, we can't play together", and "your constant messages and self-invites are making me uncomfortable. ", and you can definitely say "I'd rather you didn't give me unsollicited advice". Never mind the other stuff: unsollicited advice is extremely rude.

If you say this calmly and he's ****ed, then he has a problem and you can just be blunt. However, most will understand. If he insists to become your partner, just tell him you already have a regular one, which obviously you do. No need to lie, just be your own man.

 

[Attila_the_gorilla]

Thomas, I didn't know you hate playing with me.....
I'm terribly sorry, I'll be looking for another court. If I survive this pain.

And I'm early 50's!

 

[arche3]

Thomas, I didn't know you hate playing with me.....
I'm terribly sorry, I'll be looking for another court. If I survive this pain.

And I'm early 50's!

Are you really the guy he is talking about? Lol.

 

[Attila_the_gorilla]

Nah, just joking

 

[arche3]

Nah, just joking

Would of been awkward lol.

 

[Cindysphinx]

"I'm sorry, but this arrangement isn't working for me. Bob and I are going to play and work on some things."

Best if you can say this via text, but if he shows up, just jog over to him and say it.

Done and done.

 

[LuckyR]

There's a word in the English language that is sometimes used....

NO

Best post in the thread...

 

[cknobman]

WOW OP this guy sounds exactly like a fella I used to know here in the DFW area.

He was not necessarily a bad person but very (almost unkowingly) rude and intrusive. Everyone he met would eventually get tired of him and stop playing tennis with him and yes he would show up and invite himself.

We eventually just adjusted our play times to be there when he would not expect and after a while he found others to "annoy".

Sad part is I worked with the guy and he got fired because we went to a clients location for a business meeting. During the meeting he got up walked into their breakroom and grabbed food out of the fridge, brought it back into the meeting room, and started eating it right there in the middle of the meeting. It was not even his food!!!!!!!! LOL. The client we were visiting had food catered that day for its employees and I guess this guy thought it was ok to go in and get some.

 

[Cindysphinx]

The most difficult interpersonal situation I've had to deal with was when I was a 3.0 some years ago. There was a lady who used to bring her daughter to practice. Daughter was about 8, but she had a severe disability like autism.

When the mom was playing, the daughter would sit quietly courtside -- until she didn't. She would get up and wander onto the court mid-point. Once she went behind me and I almost conked her on my takeback. In addition to this being dangerous, it was annoying because the child made all kinds of noise and the mom frequently had to stop to redirect her.

I decided to just let it go. I figure being the parent of an autistic child is hard enough, sitters often won't work with autistic kids, and the opportunity to play a little tennis once in a while is probably pretty precious to the mom.

So if you feel sorry for the guy, maybe you could offer to hit with him once and a while and call it a good deed.

 

[Bdarb]

The most difficult interpersonal situation I've had to deal with was when I was a 3.0 some years ago. There was..

..This lady who always put her bag on the bench!



Lol jk Cindy


Seriously though, that's really nice to let that slide. You're absolutely right, it's so difficult for parents to find disabled kids adequate care. Plus if they do, they never know what kind of meltdown can be going on and shaping the rest of their day.. Tough. Obviously this wouldn't be my preference but its nice she can play too . I actually gave lessons to a kid with autism. He was okay and just had SO much fun, it really was a pleasure.

 

[user92626]

The most difficult interpersonal situation I've had to deal with was when I was a 3.0 some years ago. There was a lady who used to bring her daughter to practice. Daughter was about 8, but she had a severe disability like autism.

When the mom was playing, the daughter would sit quietly courtside -- until she didn't. She would get up and wander onto the court mid-point. Once she went behind me and I almost conked her on my takeback. In addition to this being dangerous, it was annoying because the child made all kinds of noise and the mom frequently had to stop to redirect her.

I decided to just let it go. I figure being the parent of an autistic child is hard enough, sitters often won't work with autistic kids, and the opportunity to play a little tennis once in a while is probably pretty precious to the mom.

So if you feel sorry for the guy, maybe you could offer to hit with him once and a while and call it a good deed.

Cindy,

I commend you for this understanding. I am a parent of an autistic daughter. There's no words to describe the difficulty my wife and I are going through.

You only have this temporary "difficulty" with the lady and her daughter. I super admire that lady for trying to live an "ordinary" life like continuing to play tennis. I would never be surprised at all if autism parents lock up the whole family and live a life of complete isolation. Sometimes it's easier to just breathe and maintain your existence, void of everything, than to deal with autism.

 

[cluckcluck]

The most difficult interpersonal situation I've had to deal with was when I was a 3.0 some years ago. There was a lady who used to bring her daughter to practice. Daughter was about 8, but she had a severe disability like autism.

When the mom was playing, the daughter would sit quietly courtside -- until she didn't. She would get up and wander onto the court mid-point. Once she went behind me and I almost conked her on my takeback. In addition to this being dangerous, it was annoying because the child made all kinds of noise and the mom frequently had to stop to redirect her.

I decided to just let it go. I figure being the parent of an autistic child is hard enough, sitters often won't work with autistic kids, and the opportunity to play a little tennis once in a while is probably pretty precious to the mom.

So if you feel sorry for the guy, maybe you could offer to hit with him once and a while and call it a good deed.

That's quite a story Cindy.
I feel OPs pain, thought it sounds like if OP lets this guy in for a hit that might signal to the creeper that it's "OK" to just come around whenever to walk on. I dunno, I'm neither the OP or the person he/she is talking about. Just sounds like a strange situation.

 

[dizzlmcwizzl]

Where I play this situation comes up a lot .... sort of.

There are public courts and most people do not show up with pre-arranged partners. The regulars will walk up, find someone else around their level and the two of them will start hitting. If they want to play doubles they invite other players of near equal ability either from the waiting area or from neighboring courts. When the courts are busy it is easy to set up a court with 4 - 4.5 players. When players are sparse the abilities could range from 3.5-4.5 ....

To a newcomer or the casual observer this all seems very fluid. Especially since most folks without a lot of experience think they are much better than they actually are.

If the relative newcomer attempts to elbow his way onto a court with much better players they will tell him "We are waiting for someone." This usually gets the message across.

I have many times hit with a much worse player but I never take anything off the ball. Even though I put it back in the center of the court usually they cant handle the pace or the spin and they are embarrassed by the fact that they have sprayed balls all over the courts. They usually get the message and ask about a more appropriate partner. If this does not work, I am blunt and tell them directly I am looking for someone else to hit with.

 

[Cindysphinx]

Cindy,

I commend you for this understanding. I am a parent of an autistic daughter. There's no words to describe the difficulty my wife and I are going through.

You only have this temporary "difficulty" with the lady and her daughter. I super admire that lady for trying to live an "ordinary" life like continuing to play tennis. I would never be surprised at all if autism parents lock up the whole family and live a life of complete isolation. Sometimes it's easier to just breathe and maintain your existence, void of everything, than to deal with autism.

User,

You have my admiration for soldiering through your daughter's situation. Becoming a parent is a big gamble, and having a child with issues is always a distinct and real possibility. We get what we get, and they are our kids no matter what.

Have you read "Far from the Tree"? It is an excellent non-fiction examination of families dealing with kids with special challenges: Deafness, Down's, mental illness. There is a chapter on autism. The parents of autistic children stood out as the parents who are dealing with the most upheaval and disruption.

Good luck to you, and I hope you have lots of opportunities to take good care of yourself too.

 

[user92626]

Thanks, Cindy

I have made a note of the book you recommend. I'm going to try to find and read it. Regards.

 

[sundaypunch]

The dude probably just needs a friend. The problem is that, once you show a little kindness to someone like this, you quickly realize whey they don't have any friends.

 

[The_Feather]

Hey, OP here.
So I had another near run-in with this guy again tonight, he texted me "Tennis tonight?" I put off responding for a while but eventually responded and said "X and I are hitting singles tonight" which on its own say that he's not invited. Unfortunately I don't think I was clear enough, he responded with "So, does that mean I can join or not join you guys?" :shock:
At this point I just didn't even respond, it's not worth it, I just want to play tennis and not have to deal with kind of drama.

Thank you all for your suggestions and ideas, I'm not very assertive when it comes to being blunt in these types of situations.

 

[Rozroz]

Hey, OP here.
So I had another near run-in with this guy again tonight, he texted me "Tennis tonight?" I put off responding for a while but eventually responded and said "X and I are hitting singles tonight" which on its own say that he's not invited. Unfortunately I don't think I was clear enough, he responded with "So, does that mean I can join or not join you guys?" :shock:
At this point I just didn't even respond, it's not worth it, I just want to play tennis and not have to deal with kind of drama.

Thank you all for your suggestions and ideas, I'm not very assertive when it comes to being blunt in these types of situations.

this sounds like a poor guy with no friends

but anyway, best thing is to find an exact phrasing and SMS the guy. it's easier in this case, and NOT impolite like breaking up or something.

not so complicated: "listen, i am now already playing with a few constant partners, so i'm afraid we will not be able to play together ATM, thanks."

 

[Bdarb]

and the next response is, no, you cannot join us. nbd.

 

[mmk]

This thread reminds me of the way one of my buddies ended up married.

 

[spot]

Hey, OP here.
So I had another near run-in with this guy again tonight, he texted me "Tennis tonight?" I put off responding for a while but eventually responded and said "X and I are hitting singles tonight" which on its own say that he's not invited. Unfortunately I don't think I was clear enough, he responded with "So, does that mean I can join or not join you guys?" :shock:
At this point I just didn't even respond, it's not worth it, I just want to play tennis and not have to deal with kind of drama.

It sounds like a perfectly reasonable question when you have let him jump in as a third several times. Instead of ignoring it then why not simply say "Sorry... I need to work on my singles game and having a third person would mean rotating in and out.". His response wasn't drama. Deal with it like an adult.

 

[tennis_ocd]

Hey, OP here.
So I had another near run-in with this guy again tonight, he texted me "Tennis tonight?" I put off responding for a while but eventually responded and said "X and I are hitting singles tonight" which on its own say that he's not invited. Unfortunately I don't think I was clear enough, he responded with "So, does that mean I can join or not join you guys?" :shock:
At this point I just didn't even respond, it's not worth it, I just want to play tennis and not have to deal with kind of drama.

Thank you all for your suggestions and ideas, I'm not very assertive when it comes to being blunt in these types of situations.

I can see why this has become an issue.... Nothing wrong or weird with this exchange. I don't think I'm very assertive but would have no trouble txting that we just want to play singles tonight.

But then I occasionally enjoy 3-man tennis.

 

[tennis_ocd]

This thread reminds me of the way one of my buddies ended up married.

Now that is the post of the month!

 

[tennismonkey]

 

[Bdarb]

This thread reminds me of the way one of my buddies ended up married.

gold.




ten chars.

 

[Bdarb]

platinum.




ten chars.

 

[beernutz]

Hey, OP here.
So I had another near run-in with this guy again tonight, he texted me "Tennis tonight?" I put off responding for a while but eventually responded and said "X and I are hitting singles tonight" which on its own say that he's not invited. Unfortunately I don't think I was clear enough, he responded with "So, does that mean I can join or not join you guys?" :shock:
At this point I just didn't even respond, it's not worth it, I just want to play tennis and not have to deal with kind of drama.

Thank you all for your suggestions and ideas, I'm not very assertive when it comes to being blunt in these types of situations.

You are making the situation worse by not responding to him when he asks if he can join you anyway. What is wrong with telling him, "No I'm playing singles tonight and I already have a partner"?

 

[Bdarb]

You are making the situation worse by not responding to him when he asks if he can join you anyway. What is wrong with telling him, "No I'm playing singles tonight and I already have a partner"?

perfectly reasonable question.

 

[floridatennisdude]

Are you telling this dude when you are playing? If so, why.

If he is persistent in knowing your schedule, reply something like: "Yes, I'm playing Mike Thursday and looking forward to it. We usually get into a 3 setter or a competitive 2 sets. Would you want to play me Saturday?"

If he doesn't get the hint from that, you may have to be more direct.

 

[Mr.Lob]

I’ve been dealing with a certain player in my area who just won’t quit, and I don’t really know what to do. First of all, I randomly met him one night, we found a similar interest in stringing and the technical side of the game. He’s a decent player and had some good practice sessions with him.
Then after the two or three times we had a hit, he would randomly just start showing up to the courts where I was playing at, by himself, and would ask to “rotate in”. The thing is, I would usually be in the middle of a match or set. So totally inconvenient and rude. After the two times me and my partner allowed him to rotate in (Aussie Doubles), he would regularly show up and just walk onto the court and wait to just walk on without saying anything.
The biggest ****er about this is that he not only never bring a new can of balls or anything, he critiques every stroke that me and my partner made, “That’s an interesting technique.” “No, no, no, step into the ball and drive through it.”
Then he started in with the phone calls and text messages, “Are you hitting tonight?” “What time are you and ‘X’ hitting?” Most recently, “Are you home? Would like to come by and look at your machine/racket collection/strings/etc.”
It’s just getting really uncomfortable and I feel bad for the guy because apparently we’re not the only guys in our area that don’t want to play with him…lots and lots of players have or have had similar experiences with him.
It’s getting to the point where I want to change location so this guy just doesn’t show up and assume he can walk on, I have recently told him that I will be practicing singles exclusively for a few months.
Should I get a restraining order (totally joking)

One option would be to ask him out on a date. That should scare him off.