Dilettante
Hall of Fame
Hello everyone. Sorry for my bad English, which didn’t prevent me to this attempt of making a TTW Dictionary.
The reason why I wanted to start a dictionary is thinking about new, gullible and newly registered posters who could get confused reading about some new tennis concepts that only exist in TTW forum and that those new posters never faced before. We all love TTW, but the forum can get a little surrealistic sometimes for the incautious newbie. So I hope this will help.
With this dictionary, I just tried to summarize some TTW's popular opinions, it's not like I'm expressing my own opinions here.
Of course this is an Open Source dictionary, so feel free to make your own additions if you want to.
...................
Now let’s start with some basic concepts:
Talent:
~noun
1. A quality that allows a player to being better than the rest, despite the number of matches which that player doesn’t win. [i.e: “Pete Sampras won 14 slams but Jean Luc Rodriguez-Hillbilly (sorry, who?) had insane loads of talent”]
2. Ability of making smooth-motioned and good-looking shots, no matter if a high percentage of those shots happens to send the ball to the parking lot.
Talented player:
~noun
1. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who doesn’t win as much as that specific TTW poster would like to, but he’s still better than the rest.
2. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who once did beat a big name, so he proved his superiority for ever and never and that won’t change no matter how many bagels he eats from big names in the future.
Headcase:
~noun
1. Talented player who smashes rackets.
2. Talented player who gets pissed, depressed or just quits when he´s losing a match, and who could have *clearly* won if he wouldn’t get pissed, depressed or if he wouldn’t quit.
3. Player that never loses a match. He just generously grants the match away.
Clearly:
~adverb
1. Cos I said so.
Would, should, could:
~adverb
1. Reality.
2. Strongest possible argument.
Choke:
~verb
1. One of the only two possible outcomes for a match: you win, or you choke.
2. When a specific TTW poster’s favourite player had an advantage (match ball, set ball, break ball, point ball, or when he’s just talented --> see “talented”) and doesn’t capitalize it. That proves the player is better than the rival, no matter if the rival is actually able to capitalize his own advantages.
Choker:
~noun
1. Player that lost a match but you wanted him to win so bad, didn’t you?
*******:
~noun
1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Roger Federer.
*******:
~noun
1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Rafael Nadal.
Clay:
~noun
1. Any surface on which Rafael Nadal wins a tournament. Clay can be red, blue, green, grey, low bouncing, high bouncing, with leaves on it or covered by cement (it doesn’t matter, clay’s still there).
Green Clay:
~noun
1. Wimbledon’s surface, which maliciously simulates a living vegetal form of life (it grows on soil, it has leaves, it makes photosynthesis, it produces oxygen) but it happens to be just clay.
25 seconds:
~noun
1. According to rafael Nadal’s fans, period of time Nadal takes between points. According to a clock, that period can extend from 25 seconds to 35 weeks.
Mono:
~noun
1. Disease that allows Roger Federer to win sometimes, and to “not to lose” the rest of the time. When Roger wins, Roger wins. When Roger loses, mono didn’t allow him to win.
Mirka:
~noun
1. Unlike Mono, she allows Roger Federer to win, but doesn’t allow him to do any other single thing alone.
Serve and Volley
~verb/noun
1. Best and most effective, reliable and powerful style of tennis, no matter if a S&V player didn’t win a challenger for 700 years.
2. Real tennis. Non S&V tennis needs to be renamed something else (teeNeZ, te@n@s, Pong).
Mindless Bashing:
~verb/noun
1. Non-S&V teeNeZ.
2. Pong.
All court game.
~noun
1. When a TTW poster likes a player, automatically this player has an All Court Game, no matter what the heck having an All Court Game means.
2. Tennis style which is better because it has the word “all” on it, and nothing can be better than “all”.
GOAT
~noun
1. Eternal, immutable and carved in stone condition which happens to change every 1/2 weeks.
2. Favourite player of a TTW poster.
3. According to many, a player who has the biggest talent ever (no prove necessary) and who will eventually come back from the dead and blow away the whole competition by 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 (and 6-0) because when he’s on he just could sweep God from the court. That is: Marat Safin.
Bad
~adverb
1. Everything Andy Roddick does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.
Good
~adverb
1. Everything Richard Gasquet does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.
WTA
~noun
1. WTF
2. Said what?
3. Joke.
Prime
~adverb/noun
1. Miracolous State of Grace when a player from 80 centuries ago could dominate the actual competition.
Prime vs. Prime
~noun vs. ~noun
1. TTW’s most succesful “Quantum Leap” TV series’ adaptation.
Exo.
~noun
1. Scientific prove that an old player who retired because he was no longer dominant, could come back and sweep today’s weak competition.
2. Extend of Pete Sampras domination beyond time and space.
Retirement:
~noun
1. What every player should do after losing any given single match.
2. What Marat Safin shouldn’t *ever* do because he’s the GOAT and he will just come back and make a badass PWNAGE of the entire ATP field.
The reason why I wanted to start a dictionary is thinking about new, gullible and newly registered posters who could get confused reading about some new tennis concepts that only exist in TTW forum and that those new posters never faced before. We all love TTW, but the forum can get a little surrealistic sometimes for the incautious newbie. So I hope this will help.
With this dictionary, I just tried to summarize some TTW's popular opinions, it's not like I'm expressing my own opinions here.
Of course this is an Open Source dictionary, so feel free to make your own additions if you want to.
...................
Now let’s start with some basic concepts:
Talent:
~noun
1. A quality that allows a player to being better than the rest, despite the number of matches which that player doesn’t win. [i.e: “Pete Sampras won 14 slams but Jean Luc Rodriguez-Hillbilly (sorry, who?) had insane loads of talent”]
2. Ability of making smooth-motioned and good-looking shots, no matter if a high percentage of those shots happens to send the ball to the parking lot.
Talented player:
~noun
1. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who doesn’t win as much as that specific TTW poster would like to, but he’s still better than the rest.
2. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who once did beat a big name, so he proved his superiority for ever and never and that won’t change no matter how many bagels he eats from big names in the future.
Headcase:
~noun
1. Talented player who smashes rackets.
2. Talented player who gets pissed, depressed or just quits when he´s losing a match, and who could have *clearly* won if he wouldn’t get pissed, depressed or if he wouldn’t quit.
3. Player that never loses a match. He just generously grants the match away.
Clearly:
~adverb
1. Cos I said so.
Would, should, could:
~adverb
1. Reality.
2. Strongest possible argument.
Choke:
~verb
1. One of the only two possible outcomes for a match: you win, or you choke.
2. When a specific TTW poster’s favourite player had an advantage (match ball, set ball, break ball, point ball, or when he’s just talented --> see “talented”) and doesn’t capitalize it. That proves the player is better than the rival, no matter if the rival is actually able to capitalize his own advantages.
Choker:
~noun
1. Player that lost a match but you wanted him to win so bad, didn’t you?
*******:
~noun
1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Roger Federer.
*******:
~noun
1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Rafael Nadal.
Clay:
~noun
1. Any surface on which Rafael Nadal wins a tournament. Clay can be red, blue, green, grey, low bouncing, high bouncing, with leaves on it or covered by cement (it doesn’t matter, clay’s still there).
Green Clay:
~noun
1. Wimbledon’s surface, which maliciously simulates a living vegetal form of life (it grows on soil, it has leaves, it makes photosynthesis, it produces oxygen) but it happens to be just clay.
25 seconds:
~noun
1. According to rafael Nadal’s fans, period of time Nadal takes between points. According to a clock, that period can extend from 25 seconds to 35 weeks.
Mono:
~noun
1. Disease that allows Roger Federer to win sometimes, and to “not to lose” the rest of the time. When Roger wins, Roger wins. When Roger loses, mono didn’t allow him to win.
Mirka:
~noun
1. Unlike Mono, she allows Roger Federer to win, but doesn’t allow him to do any other single thing alone.
Serve and Volley
~verb/noun
1. Best and most effective, reliable and powerful style of tennis, no matter if a S&V player didn’t win a challenger for 700 years.
2. Real tennis. Non S&V tennis needs to be renamed something else (teeNeZ, te@n@s, Pong).
Mindless Bashing:
~verb/noun
1. Non-S&V teeNeZ.
2. Pong.
All court game.
~noun
1. When a TTW poster likes a player, automatically this player has an All Court Game, no matter what the heck having an All Court Game means.
2. Tennis style which is better because it has the word “all” on it, and nothing can be better than “all”.
GOAT
~noun
1. Eternal, immutable and carved in stone condition which happens to change every 1/2 weeks.
2. Favourite player of a TTW poster.
3. According to many, a player who has the biggest talent ever (no prove necessary) and who will eventually come back from the dead and blow away the whole competition by 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 (and 6-0) because when he’s on he just could sweep God from the court. That is: Marat Safin.
Bad
~adverb
1. Everything Andy Roddick does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.
Good
~adverb
1. Everything Richard Gasquet does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.
WTA
~noun
1. WTF
2. Said what?
3. Joke.
Prime
~adverb/noun
1. Miracolous State of Grace when a player from 80 centuries ago could dominate the actual competition.
Prime vs. Prime
~noun vs. ~noun
1. TTW’s most succesful “Quantum Leap” TV series’ adaptation.
Exo.
~noun
1. Scientific prove that an old player who retired because he was no longer dominant, could come back and sweep today’s weak competition.
2. Extend of Pete Sampras domination beyond time and space.
Retirement:
~noun
1. What every player should do after losing any given single match.
2. What Marat Safin shouldn’t *ever* do because he’s the GOAT and he will just come back and make a badass PWNAGE of the entire ATP field.