A Girl and Her "Tennis Parents"

[soyizgood]

A couple of times a month this man calls me and checks to see if I can be a hitting partner for his daughter who's 14. If I'm free or know I'll be practicing alone, I'll usually accept as was the case yesterday.

This is what typically happens. We'll do practice rallies and whenever she makes a stupid mistake, he belittles her. And he'll do this even during the rallies and during the points in a mock set. Her mom, who doesn't play tennis at all, is not much better as she keeps count of the number of times she hit the ball to the middle of the court. Of course this irritates me because of the delays and because of the noise from him. The girl tells him to quiet down or gives him the impression of "in one ear, out the other". Yesterday he got so frustrated with her play he ended our hitting practice after about an hour and a half.

She's a lefty and has one particular weapon, her down-the-line forehand. When it's on, it has pace and is rather flat. But, she has lazy/poor footwork, hits her forehand in a very open stance so she mishits quite a bit when she tries to hit cross-court or to the baseline, typically hits her 2HBH in a semi-open stance and has the tendency to hit weak/lazy slices that I often punish her for trying, she hits without much for topspin (her topspin forehand often sails quite long), and is very vulnerable against high balls. Her endurance is poor (she often tires within an hour of hitting with me) and she needs to improve her diet and fitness. She's not a bad player, but could be much better. But that leads up to another can of worms.

Her dad is not a good coach. In fact, from what I have seen of him, he's a beginner-level player. Some of his coaching advice for her I cringe at.

* He wants her to lob every time a player comes to the net (he even chastised her for hitting passing shots that worked instead of lobbing). He gets on her case for not trying a drop shot when she's on the run towards the net.

* He wants her to shuffle her feet immediately after making contact on the serve (so she'll be unable to lean into the serve and follow-through and unable to generate the power and accuracy that she currently lacks?).

* He keeps telling her to hit to my backhand when I've told him that's my best side. As a result, I put on a clinic from that side not to hurt her but to jab him for his lack of understanding tactics. He should encourage her to figure out the opponent's weaknesses and let her exploit them.

* He keeps telling her to backup when facing high balls, but because her movement is not good she ends up hitting floaters from both sides (she has to improve her anticipation and reaction, but she also needs to learn how to hit on the rise)

* Her serves have a fair amount of pace when they go in. Her dad is telling her to serve 5 feet away from the center. On the ad side, I can see a case for that as she's a lefty. But on her deuce side? He keeps telling her to toss the ball higher, but she doesn't bend her knees nor put weight on the front foot.

I once offered to give him a couple of pointers to improve her backhand. He basically wanted to act like he knew what he was doing and kind of gave me the impression that he didn't want to hear any outside advice. He seems to ignore the fact that she's not having fun playing (at least with him or her mom hovering over her). He has her play in Open 14s and 16s quite a bit. I suspect he's doing this in hopes she can earn a scholarship. He complains to her about her making mistakes that have cost matches, the amount of money he's invested in her playing, the fact that she's made old habits out of her play, and he fusses at her over mistakes she made 2-3 points earlier during the rallies.

I feel sorry for the girl because she could be a better player if she's motivated, better coached and trained (i.e. by someone other than her parents), slims down a bit, and got more practice against girls her age. As it stands, I'm a guy that's twice her age that plays NTRP 3.5 level yet I wear her out without much effort. I don't know if there's anything I can do to help this girl out. Her dad is a control freak and is the main culprit keeping her game down.

 

[Moz]

I would suggest a fireside chat with him, however these are usually wasted on tools like him.

Does she have a coach that you know of, other than her father? Be curious as to his opinion.

 

[soyizgood]

I would suggest a fireside chat with him, however these are usually wasted on tools like him.

Does she have a coach that you know of, other than her father? Be curious as to his opinion.

I don't know if she has a coach besides her dad, though it's likely she initially learned from someone else. I'm pretty sure she does not because he has her practice after school a couple days a week at the community college by my job or at a park near their home.

I just see a potential minefield if I gave him my take on what's going on. But sometimes the truth hurts. Just because Richard Williams was able to coach Venus and Serena doesn't mean any dad can coach his child. I see teenagers further along in their game than her as they get one-on-one coaching from a private teacher and experience playing against peers and friends. His style of coaching is very limiting (i.e. entirely from tennis books and TV) and manner of criticism is quite detrimental, conflicting and imo wrong in many ways, and conducive to producing a flawed machine instead of a player with skills, instinct, movement, and intelligence.

Her dad might actually call me today to see if I'm free. If that happens I'll play to be polite, but I don't know if I have the balls to break it to him.

 

[Il Mostro]

Sad situation and, regrettably, probably "no-win" no matter how you approach it with the father.

 

[matchmaker]

The father should change his attitude, but will he? You can try and talk with him but that could lead up to more problems even. These people typically think they possess the truth and anyone who does not agree is wrong.

My advice? Let it rest. You can't change the world.

 

[some6uy008]

I see this all too often when I'm at the public tennis courts. They yell, belittle and once in a while I'd hear a swear word or two. It looks like a dire situation and chances are the kid will give up tennis as soon as he/she can, but it's a sport that full of anxiety and threat to them.

Maybe it is because I live in a heavily populated Asian area, but Asian parents are always the ones I see treating their kids this way at the courts.

I think you should tell her parents that the yelling and snide remarks made to the kid bothers you. And if it continues, you don't think you can practice with the kids anymore. Hopefully, this will lead him to lay off the kid at the courts

 

[Federer#1]

Yeah, there are parents simply want to show "how much they know" and tell you "what you should do".

BTW, we have these type of "godfathers" on this board too! haha!

Talk is cheap, I will just ignore them.

 

[volusiano]

Maybe you can approach it from the angle of what his goal is for his daughter when it comes to tennis, instead of from the angle of how he's coaching her. That would make the discussion less personal about his coaching and more impersonal about the bigger picture of what he's trying to accomplish.

If he confirms that his goal is to get her a tennis scholarship or something bigger, then it opens the door to suggest to him that professional coaching would be needed to achieve that goal. And even before that, a professional consultation to see if his daughter has the natural ability and potential to make it big in the sport in the first place. This may help reset his expectation if somebody else can open his eyes to see how unrealistic his goal is. And you won't have to be the bearer of bad news if he pays somebody else for the consultation.

I can't imagine any parents having this kind of unhealthy interest in their kid's sport unless there's an expectation to have that sport help carry their kid's career somehow. So the real solution is to squash this unrealistic dream from the parents in the first place.

I assume that this girl is OK and can be better, but there's no potential for her to be big in this sport, or else you would've seen it already. I doubt that Richard Williams could have coached his daughters to become pros if they didn't have the natural ability and potential in the sport in the first place.

 

[Lejanius]

I tend to be an honest person. So if this was me, when he called to ask if I can hit with his daughter I would say no and this is the reason the why.

Then I would politely explain to him that his coaching is not helping her, that half of what he is telling her isn't true, and that you would indeed consider hitting with her if he can keep quiet while observing.

If he is a real a-hole he will lie to his daughter about why you won't hit with her so be prepared to tell her the truth as well next time you run into her.

but there is no need to have to put with that crap from anyone on the sidelines who isn't a coach, especially if the advice being given is wrong.

but that is just me

 

[S H O W S T O P P E R !]

Offer to coach her yourself. Unless her dad is a control freak, you could earn some cash teaching her on weekends. If she never speaks up or she's afraid to speak to her dad, be careful. There could be abuse, but don't accuse. I've seen kids get beaten the crap out by their parents in public. Try to take her under your wing and teach her to be independent.

 

[soyizgood]

Maybe you can approach it from the angle of what his goal is for his daughter when it comes to tennis, instead of from the angle of how he's coaching her. That would make the discussion less personal about his coaching and more impersonal about the bigger picture of what he's trying to accomplish.

If he confirms that his goal is to get her a tennis scholarship or something bigger, then it opens the door to suggest to him that professional coaching would be needed to achieve that goal. And even before that, a professional consultation to see if his daughter has the natural ability and potential to make it big in the sport in the first place. This may help reset his expectation if somebody else can open his eyes to see how unrealistic his goal is. And you won't have to be the bearer of bad news if he pays somebody else for the consultation.

I can't imagine any parents having this kind of unhealthy interest in their kid's sport unless there's an expectation to have that sport help carry their kid's career somehow. So the real solution is to squash this unrealistic dream from the parents in the first place.

I assume that this girl is OK and can be better, but there's no potential for her to be big in this sport, or else you would've seen it already. I doubt that Richard Williams could have coached his daughters to become pros if they didn't have the natural ability and potential in the sport in the first place.

^^^As it stands, she's not fit nor disciplined enough to be in a position for scholarship consideration. She'd be lucky to be bottom of the food chain in varsity for whatever high school she attends. Her only main weapon is a down-the-line forehand and even that gets rattled when she has to move around out of her comfort zone.

Basically she tries to blast the ball from the forehand even when she's in no position to do so (i.e. returning first serves, coming up to the net for an approach shot, hitting a low ball without proper stance and setup). Yesterday I hit a kick serve and she tried to run around the backhand to return. End result was the ball bounced and hit her chest and she was in no position to return the shot.

Mechanics-wise she's very raw and lacks the athletic ability to track down balls and anticipate ball movement. I displayed her backhand weaknesses for both to see by intentionally serving to her backhand while showing her lack of proper footwork when I served to her forehand. Also exposed her lack of movement when I mixed cross-court and down-the-line shots off both sides along with hitting high balls to her. And showed her lack of agility and lack of preparation with some slice backhands I threw in.

At some point her dad has to realize that what they're doing is not going to work. Her parents are okay people and I think they have good intentions. But, she has to be the one driving herself if she really wants to improve. And I don't think she really wants to step up and advance. Even if she wanted to, her dad coaching her isn't going to cut it.

It's like she is hoping her parents give up. The warning signs are so obvious. When she gets tired of hitting (we're talking less than 40 minutes into practice sometimes), she intentionally hits goofy slices, recklessly blasts the ball without any thought or care, stops chasing balls, misses badly on serves, takes 2-3 water breaks, purposely walks to pick up balls rather than put two in her pocket, does the kind of stuff in her shot selection that peeves her dad off, etc.

 

[Hot Sauce]

There's nothing you can do about that. It's really not your place to intervene, even if it may be beneficial.

 

[gully]

Based on what you've said, why on earth would her parents assume she has the potential to be a scholarship kid?

She'd have to be her team's #1 or #2 player and have some success in USTA sectional or national play, however mild. From what I'm hearing, there just isn't really anything to suggest that ...

(a) she has a crack at a scholarship;
(b) she has potential for strong HS success; or
(c) she has potential for strong USTA success.

Professional coaching is worth it for this gal only really if the parents see fit to make the investment, as it's their discretionary income. Even if they did, there's no telling how the kid would respond. Basically, in the end, I don't see a point to telling Dad what you think -- unless he asks. It's not as if this girl is a goldmine of untapped potential, with only the parents in the way. Hit with her if you like, but don't feel obligated to if you don't.

 

[10s talk]

have a long talk with the dad and explain the reasons/benefits of a pro teaching his daughter. if they can afford it help them find a good pro.


that is all you can do :sad:

 

[cujays]

the guy is a controll freak
what racket does she use?

 

[Tennis_Monk]

You said u are a 3.5 player. Please dont get me wrong but how could you hit Serves and rallies with such control as you indicated?. To me u must be rated little better.

>>>
I displayed her backhand weaknesses for both to see by intentionally serving to her backhand while showing her lack of proper footwork when I served to her forehand. Also exposed her lack of movement when I mixed cross-court and down-the-line shots off both sides along with hitting high balls to her. And showed her lack of agility and lack of preparation with some slice backhands I threw in.
>>>

 

[soyizgood]

the guy is a controll freak
what racket does she use?

I didn't look at her racquet recently. She has changed racquets a few times. I'm pretty sure she has an oversized Prince and a Head racquet you would find at Big 5 or Sports Chalet. I've shown her dad a couple of my midplus racquets because imo she's better off with a midplus as she needs more control than power from her racquet (of course he wouldn't understand nor would listen to me anyways). Her dad's main racquet is a Head Ti.S2. I used to have one of those racquets and it frustrated the heck out of me.

 

[soyizgood]

You said u are a 3.5 player. Please dont get me wrong but how could you hit Serves and rallies with such control as you indicated?. To me u must be rated little better.

>>>
I displayed her backhand weaknesses for both to see by intentionally serving to her backhand while showing her lack of proper footwork when I served to her forehand. Also exposed her lack of movement when I mixed cross-court and down-the-line shots off both sides along with hitting high balls to her. And showed her lack of agility and lack of preparation with some slice backhands I threw in.
>>>

I'm a 3.5 rated player. I played singles on a 4.0 team this spring and played in some of 4.0 and 3.5 tournaments this year and last year. My record in singles is not that great (partially due to my self-rating a 4.0 and a nagging ankle injury last year), though I have made quite a few improvements on areas I felt necessary to work on. So I have gotten some valuable (sometimes humbling) experience and I practice some part of my game 4-6 days/week which either involves hitting the wall, practice serves, pickup doubles, sets against others, and random hitting partners. God knows how much I've overly analyzed and criticized my game. If I don't like something in my game, I obsess over trying to fix it.

I was serving pretty relaxed that day. For some odd reason most of my serves landed in. I can be spotty at time when serving in matches, but when I'm not driving myself nuts I do have my moments. Most of the time I mixed up slice serves with kick serves. The slice serves (my best serve) often went to her backhand side since she's a lefty but I threw some in to her forehand to keep her guessing. I was working out the kinks in my serves and forehand for almost 2 hours before her and her dad came, so that probably also helped.

It's not that hard to control the tempo of the rally when you can keep hitting outside the opponent's comfort zone. Her backhand is sometimes pedestrian and only once in a while does she do something productive with it. She's the type that wants to end the point on a kill-shot from the forehand, but she struggles when she's moved around. One habit she has is her tendency to hit to the middle of the court and not move back into proper position. Since she doesn't have much topspin and I don't have to do much to setup, it's going to be easier for me to control where I want to place the ball. She's also only 14 and as mentioned before, she does not move nor react that well. Since my forehand is not yet where I want it to be, I'm content to hit with some spin and to her backhand while going down-the-line from time to time. I enjoy hitting backhands so I'm free to hit stuff at her however I see fit.

Another factor is I recently found a racquet that complements my strokes and style of play.

 

[Storm_Kyori]

I really think it depends on you and your relationahip with girl and parents. I've seen a few of these "Tennis Parents". I once saw this man with his son. The dad was screaming to the kid who IMO was 5-7. I suck at guessing, but I think I'm pretty close. So the dad kept telling the boy "Don't move backwards! What did I just tell you! You're not listening!" "Stop wasting my time and your coahces!....etc I was soo annoyed he was extremely loud and in my opinion not very good. Seen him play a few times and not very impressed from a guy who completely belittles his son. The coach is there to improve the boys game and the dad was all in his kid's space.

Anyway, like I stated first. If you're close to the girl or are somewhat close to the dad then talk to the girl first then her dad. Give her pointers on how she can improve and what her dad is doing wrong. Then move on to dad tell him what you think, if he gives the shrug then try to empasize what you said into your rally. Give him small tips here and there don't overdue it with everthing that's wrong.

If you're not close to dad, then just work w/ the girl when dad isn't around. As much as you can and let her now what she can do when you're not around to hit with her something she can work with on a wall or ball machine.

 

[soyizgood]

I really think it depends on you and your relationahip with girl and parents. I've seen a few of these "Tennis Parents". I once saw this man with his son. The dad was screaming to the kid who IMO was 5-7. I suck at guessing, but I think I'm pretty close. So the dad kept telling the boy "Don't move backwards! What did I just tell you! You're not listening!" "Stop wasting my time and your coahces!....etc I was soo annoyed he was extremely loud and in my opinion not very good. Seen him play a few times and not very impressed from a guy who completely belittles his son. The coach is there to improve the boys game and the dad was all in his kid's space.

Anyway, like I stated first. If you're close to the girl or are somewhat close to the dad then talk to the girl first then her dad. Give her pointers on how she can improve and what her dad is doing wrong. Then move on to dad tell him what you think, if he gives the shrug then try to empasize what you said into your rally. Give him small tips here and there don't overdue it with everthing that's wrong.

If you're not close to dad, then just work w/ the girl when dad isn't around. As much as you can and let her now what she can do when you're not around to hit with her something she can work with on a wall or ball machine.

I'm not particularly close to either one. I run into them from time to time on the courts. Sometimes we'll just say hi and that's it while her and her dad take up another court. He puts up posts on top of the net as a drill for her to hit at a certain clearance height. Sometimes he brings a ball machine. He also sometimes brings cones that he puts on corners for her to aim for. Otherwise she'll practice serves since her dad is not much of a tennis player (oh, the irony).

For all I know I might be the only hitting partner she has. With her dad the way he is, it wouldn't surprise me. I'm not going to outright tell her what to do regarding her techniques (I don't know how hardened some of her habits are), but I'll occasionally mention that she got caught in no-mans land (that she should either move to the net or back to the baseline the next time). One time she came with her brother and without her parents. She seemed to have a good time hitting with me as her parents weren't there to view her under a microscope (and her brother doesn't play tennis either).

I'm hesitant to give pointers while her dad is there. If her mom is there instead, I may have more leverage to give advice. Maybe I can give her a CD of youtube clips that might help her out. That way I'm not going to walk into any minefields and she'll get advice from actual professionals.

 

[mawashi]

Like you said, it is a minefield and it really is.

It really depends on how much you care for this girl otherwise it will really get on your nerves in the long run with her & her parents.

If you are really serious about helping this girl, tell her parents politely that you are going try something new but it requires that they SHUT UP or better still stay away and you'll take a video of the training session for review and technique improvement later.

You just might win them over if she gets better and they trust u more.

Otherwise, politely decline their requests for a hitting practice but tell them nicely why.

Cheers,

mawashi

 

[Bungalo Bill]

A couple of times a month this man calls me and checks to see if I can be a hitting partner for his daughter who's 14. If I'm free or know I'll be practicing alone, I'll usually accept as was the case yesterday.

This is what typically happens. We'll do practice rallies and whenever she makes a stupid mistake, he belittles her. And he'll do this even during the rallies and during the points in a mock set. Her mom, who doesn't play tennis at all, is not much better as she keeps count of the number of times she hit the ball to the middle of the court. Of course this irritates me because of the delays and because of the noise from him. The girl tells him to quiet down or gives him the impression of "in one ear, out the other". Yesterday he got so frustrated with her play he ended our hitting practice after about an hour and a half.

She's a lefty and has one particular weapon, her down-the-line forehand. When it's on, it has pace and is rather flat. But, she has lazy/poor footwork, hits her forehand in a very open stance so she mishits quite a bit when she tries to hit cross-court or to the baseline, typically hits her 2HBH in a semi-open stance and has the tendency to hit weak/lazy slices that I often punish her for trying, she hits without much for topspin (her topspin forehand often sails quite long), and is very vulnerable against high balls. Her endurance is poor (she often tires within an hour of hitting with me) and she needs to improve her diet and fitness. She's not a bad player, but could be much better. But that leads up to another can of worms.

Her dad is not a good coach. In fact, from what I have seen of him, he's a beginner-level player. Some of his coaching advice for her I cringe at.

* He wants her to lob every time a player comes to the net (he even chastised her for hitting passing shots that worked instead of lobbing). He gets on her case for not trying a drop shot when she's on the run towards the net.

* He wants her to shuffle her feet immediately after making contact on the serve (so she'll be unable to lean into the serve and follow-through and unable to generate the power and accuracy that she currently lacks?).

* He keeps telling her to hit to my backhand when I've told him that's my best side. As a result, I put on a clinic from that side not to hurt her but to jab him for his lack of understanding tactics. He should encourage her to figure out the opponent's weaknesses and let her exploit them.

* He keeps telling her to backup when facing high balls, but because her movement is not good she ends up hitting floaters from both sides (she has to improve her anticipation and reaction, but she also needs to learn how to hit on the rise)

* Her serves have a fair amount of pace when they go in. Her dad is telling her to serve 5 feet away from the center. On the ad side, I can see a case for that as she's a lefty. But on her deuce side? He keeps telling her to toss the ball higher, but she doesn't bend her knees nor put weight on the front foot.

I once offered to give him a couple of pointers to improve her backhand. He basically wanted to act like he knew what he was doing and kind of gave me the impression that he didn't want to hear any outside advice. He seems to ignore the fact that she's not having fun playing (at least with him or her mom hovering over her). He has her play in Open 14s and 16s quite a bit. I suspect he's doing this in hopes she can earn a scholarship. He complains to her about her making mistakes that have cost matches, the amount of money he's invested in her playing, the fact that she's made old habits out of her play, and he fusses at her over mistakes she made 2-3 points earlier during the rallies.

I feel sorry for the girl because she could be a better player if she's motivated, better coached and trained (i.e. by someone other than her parents), slims down a bit, and got more practice against girls her age. As it stands, I'm a guy that's twice her age that plays NTRP 3.5 level yet I wear her out without much effort. I don't know if there's anything I can do to help this girl out. Her dad is a control freak and is the main culprit keeping her game down.

As a coach, you learn to move on.

 

[ttbrowne]

I say, Don't say anything!
You just described some great DRAMA going on and you get to be on the inside of it while not being a part of it!

Just run with it.

 

[Tim Tennis]

You are very nice to even hit with her. Your own game probably suffers because of it. Just tell them that you would be happy to hit with her, if that is really the case but you would greatly appreciate it if they would not interfer and interrupt the sessions. If they are not happy with that then do like Bungalo Bill said, "as a coach you learn to move on."

Ed
Tennis Geometrics

 

[Tim Tennis]

I say, Don't say anything!
You just described some great DRAMA going on and you get to be on the inside of it while not being a part of it!

Just run with it.

Well the problem is, she is a part of it and it is affecting her and obviously she is not enjoying it.

Ed
Tennis Geometrics

 

[5263]

As a tennis parent myself, I think we all go thru many of the same mistakes, hopefully not as bad as this guy. Even parents like Richard William and Agassi didn't have as much success with their older kids. They said they had to learn much on the first ones.

But parents do listen more than you think and you might, just might be able to help her.
My suggestion is to plant 1 or 2 carefully placed "questions" with him each outing, instead of telling him things. Questions make you question most times. They are also more respectful and easier to pull off with tact.

Something like, "Do you know that kids improve much faster when they are having fun?"
or
"Have you ever asked her what part of her game that she would like to improve most?"

 

[Rickson]

You have to leave those young girls alone, soy.

 

[sureshs]

I have been asked in the last few weeks to hit with a high school junior boy by his father. They moved recently to the area after a divorce and he wants his son to engage in something interesting. Being a lowly 3.5 myself, the sessions are more to my benefit. He has good technique but no weapons, so I can keep the ball in play during the points. I told his father he needs to hit more with guys his age to get used to the junior level topspin, and set him up with my club. He has started playing weekly junior opens there, and even trying for a part-time court monitor job. I am sure he will stop hitting with me soon, but I have the satisfaction that I did what was right for him.

 

[sharpilistik]

You have to leave those young girls alone, soy.

^Couldn't have been said better. CLASSIC.

Most tennis parents don't know **** about the way tennis is REALLY played and learned.

 

[JSE]

If you really want to help the girl out and help her advance as a player and if the dad does not know that much about tennis, I would just start giving the girl advise during your play. When you see her do something wrong, stop play for a moment and give her some advise. Just quickly run up to the net and talk to her. Be "confident" in your advise and I bet the father with begin to defer to you more and more. Try correcting him if he tries to overide your advise. Chances are he does not want to look like a fool in front of his daughter and will eventually start to go along. At that point, you can maybe suggest a real coach. You just need to give him the ol' "Jedi Mind Trick".

If it all fails, then there was probably no hope for him anayway and you've done what you could.

 

[Federer#1]

As a coach, you learn to move on.

Dude, OP is not a coach here.

 

[ProfoundBasic]

I have seen many parent like that.
Tennis, music, academic and so on.

here is a short story.
Mom agreed with daughter.
Dad insisted daughter to do otherwise.
Mom and Dad came to me for advice.
The result: They love each other still. But, they do not call me any more.

This is what Ive learned "I didnt say a word, I mind my own business."

 

[sureshs]

There is a guy who drags his two teenage daughters on to court every other day after school. They constantly complain and insult him, but he is immune (I would attribute that to doing his duty, so I have nothing against that). Problem is he does the same kind of hitting over and over again, and the girls have not improved one bit in two years. They still hit a second serve like the way a beginner does, and their groundies have remained stagnant. If it was only for exercise, I would understand, but he gets frustrated if they mishit. Half of his balls are not properly fed, and he can't keep a rally going. Yet he expects them to improve.

 

[Bungalo Bill]

Dude, OP is not a coach here.

I realize that, however AS A COACH, I HAVE LEARNED TO MOVE ON.

Trying to change people from a distance is not my job, nor should it be the OP's. Unless the OP wants to put up with the stuff going on, more power to him, otherwise, he should move on.

Okay? I didnt realize I would have to explain this.

 

[soyizgood]

You have to leave those young girls alone, soy.

Off the topic, but I'm already working with this one. :twisted:

Back to topic...
I think I'm better off taking the role of "The Federation" and staying out of other's issues in this case. Teenagers at some point become rebellious enough to force parents to adjust to reality.

I think the CD idea might be good though. It would be a good way to learn without being yelled at and could explain things in a more effective, understanding manner.

 

[Kenny022593]

if the girl is anything like me (there isnt a good chance) but she will just tell her mom and dad that she isnt having fun and she wants to stop that is what happened to me with baseball i just said it straight out to my mom and she told me to finish the season and i never had to play again

 

[soyizgood]

if the girl is anything like me (there isnt a good chance) but she will just tell her mom and dad that she isnt having fun and she wants to stop that is what happened to me with baseball i just said it straight out to my mom and she told me to finish the season and i never had to play again

My mom used to make me take up Tae Kwon Do. After a year and half I was able to discourage my mom from making me go anymore. I only got to be a yellow belt with a green stripe.

 

[Rickson]

You have a Japanese last name? Is your dad Japanese and your mom, African American?

 

[soyizgood]

You have a Japanese last name? Is your dad Japanese and your mom, African American?

My dad is half Black, half Japanese. My mom is part Black, American Indian, and Irish. My grandma gave me a Japanese name, but I rarely use it.

 

[Julieta]

You seem like a special person and don't ever lose that desire to care for other people and try to help them.

That said, the best thing you can do here is provide a quality hit for the girl and stay out of it. In all honesty, the girl is 14, old enough to take a look at her own tennis and fitness and try to do something about them. Kids who want to play a sport after a certain age shouldn't need much motivation and pushing from the parents. They need support and encouragement when things get rough, like bad losses, injuries, hooking opponents and that sort of thing, but the desire to go out there and practice, do hill sprints or whatever it takes should be coming from the kid. They should love it.

 

[soyizgood]

You seem like a special person and don't ever lose that desire to care for other people and try to help them.

That said, the best thing you can do here is provide a quality hit for the girl and stay out of it. In all honesty, the girl is 14, old enough to take a look at her own tennis and fitness and try to do something about them. Kids who want to play a sport after a certain age shouldn't need much motivation and pushing from the parents. They need support and encouragement when things get rough, like bad losses, injuries, hooking opponents and that sort of thing, but the desire to go out there and practice, do hill sprints or whatever it takes should be coming from the kid. They should love it.

Thanks for the kind words. I tend to be a good-natured person. I'm probably nicer to others than I am to myself.

She kind of reminds me of my younger sister as well as one of my ex-girlfriends. My sister was/is staunchly loyal to our mom, even when she knew my mom was blatantly doing the wrong things and making the wrong decisions. Doing stuff to please parents at your own expense often leads into trying to be someone else instead of yourself. I understand that lesson all too well and still trying to repair the damage.

 

[soyizgood]

I went to the courts today. To my surprise, the girl and her mom were there. I knew she had a match to play today, so I didn't think she'd be there. Her mom was feeding her balls to hit to the cones. Her mom doesn't play, so the girl had no rallying practice.

I was looking for a court to practice on, but they were all taken. One court was being used by a guy I had played against at a tournament a few months ago. So him and I practiced. I was testing out a new racquet so I didn't really see her practice (likely I didn't miss much).

I didn't say much to either the girl or her mom. The girl seemed to be in an upbeat mood. Her mom was trying to emphasize "make every shot count". I didn't ask which tournament she's playing, so I'll have to look around USTA's site assuming she entered one of those. Her mom's not so combative like her dad, though her thing for tracking # of times she hits the middle of the court is a bit odd.

The good news for her is that her dad said this was probably her last tournament for the year. Assuming that's the case, she can get back to being a typical young girl until the spring at least. At least one can hope.

 

[herosol]

I feel ya. I saw this poor little girl today practicing with her father and her mother standing at the side.

THEY TALK EVERY SECOND! Like no silence. They just keep saying "you did this and this and this wrong. Do this do this do this do this"

The girl wasn't have even having fun. Has no parentals heard of the main man Gustavo Kuerten? The happy warrior?

God it was like the last time i heard some kid's "coach" dad yelling:

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING?!"

 

[Bungalo Bill]

I feel ya. I saw this poor little girl today practicing with her father and her mother standing at the side.

THEY TALK EVERY SECOND! Like no silence. They just keep saying "you did this and this and this wrong. Do this do this do this do this"

The girl wasn't have even having fun. Has no parentals heard of the main man Gustavo Kuerten? The happy warrior?

God it was like the last time i heard some kid's "coach" dad yelling:

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING?!"

How sad, this is border line mental abuse.

I wouldnt be the type of person to hold back if I heard that stuff. That would get under my skin and I would have some words with those miserable controlling parents.

Seems like they are desparate to not pay or help with her college tuition. Ahhhh, this just gets under my skin.

 

[Toxicmilk]

God it was like the last time i heard some kid's "coach" dad yelling:

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING?!"

I've seen that same thing before (about the smiling), pretty messed up. Once I saw a teenage boy and his mother arguing over what racquet he has to use. He argued that he liked the POG the best and plays better with it. His mother on the other hand kept saying that the POG is outdated and he should use the latest ones. She was also saying something about using luxilon. blah blah blah

Some of these parents are just silly.

 

[soyizgood]

Maybe there should be a boot camp for tennis parents. Make them go through the same stuff they put their children through. Make it a reality show or webcast on youtube too. That'll humble some of these folks and do the sport a good thing.