any tennis joke
- Thread starter adil1972
- Start date
Povl Carstensen
Legend
Maybe some golfjokes can be "translated". Like this one:
This golfplayer is about to win a major tournament. Its up to one last put. He prepares, but then a funeral procession passes by on the street. So he stops, takes of his cap, and waits for it to pass. And then he proceeds to sink the put and win the tournament. People run up to him and complement him on his respectfull behaviour, and he says:
- Well after all, I was married to her for 40 years...
This golfplayer is about to win a major tournament. Its up to one last put. He prepares, but then a funeral procession passes by on the street. So he stops, takes of his cap, and waits for it to pass. And then he proceeds to sink the put and win the tournament. People run up to him and complement him on his respectfull behaviour, and he says:
- Well after all, I was married to her for 40 years...
hehhehehhehehehe
tennis_pro
Bionic Poster
hilarious, let me try
Toni once said to a 12-year old Rafa that everyone is a valuable person and has treasure hidden deep inside. Rafa has been looking for it ever since during his matches
tennis_pro
Bionic Poster
Novak Djokovic once said to Nadal.
-I will pwn you in 7 consecutive matches
Then Rafa responds:
-No you won't
Djokovic again:
-Yes I will
And he did.
-I will pwn you in 7 consecutive matches
Then Rafa responds:
-No you won't
Djokovic again:
-Yes I will
And he did.
6-1 6-3 6-0
Banned
The supposed greatest player of all time trailing 2-8 in SLAMS against another player, and 0-2 in the hard-court slam H2H. Now that's funny.
Hood_Man
G.O.A.T.
High Five!
tennis_pro
Bionic Poster
You have a weird sense of humor, no wonder nobody likes you here, troll.
Hood_Man
G.O.A.T.
Hey hey hey hey hey! You leave my bro NSK alone, me and him are like "that!" :twisted:
6-1 6-3 6-0
Banned
The only people who have weird senses of humour are Talk Tennis posters and Federer, who found one of the best matches of 2012 funny as he 'laughed for 10 minutes'. That's an indication that Federer has a sadistic sense of humour.
tennis_pro
Bionic Poster
And the whole world laughed along. Who wouldn't watching a journeyman own your hero at the biggest tennis tournament? Poor Rafa was so humiliated he hasn't bothered to touch a racquet since.
Towser83
G.O.A.T.
Nadal getting a 3 surface bagel from the guy he owns is more hilarious.
So is Nadal getting beaten by a journeyman at Wimbledon in the 2nd round.
So is him getting beaten at RG by Soderling in the 4th.
But not as funny as the excuses. "knees, tummy muscle had a tear, injured himself by sitting on a chair, touched a hot plate, parents split up, it was raining a bit, the umpire wouldn't fall for his bs, was physically tired, was mentally tired, played a 3 set match, played too much, played too little, clay was wrong colour, was pre prime, was post prime, was prime but on wrong surface..etc"
Towser83
G.O.A.T.
I will adapt a golf joke as someone else did.
A guy (tennis ameteur) is practicing on court and ends up practicing with a priest since they both are on their own and want someone to hit with.
The guy is playing well but he gets an easy chance at a pass and hooks his forehand wide. "F*** it, missed!" he cries. The priest looks over and says "Now now son, don't swear like that, God will get very angry with you" The other guy says sorry and they carry on. In the next game he has a chance to break but he fires long. "F*** it missed!" he shouts again. The priest talks again "Now there, I told you, God will get very angry and punish you" The guy is slightly annoyed now but he says sorry and they carry on into a tiebreak. At 6-5 in the tiebreak the guy hits a shot that misses the sideline by a foot. "Oh f***ing hell, missed again!" he shouts.
At that point the clouds part, and God peers down and suddenly strikes the priest down dead. He looks down closely at the scene on the tennis court. "F**** it" he says "missed.."
A guy (tennis ameteur) is practicing on court and ends up practicing with a priest since they both are on their own and want someone to hit with.
The guy is playing well but he gets an easy chance at a pass and hooks his forehand wide. "F*** it, missed!" he cries. The priest looks over and says "Now now son, don't swear like that, God will get very angry with you" The other guy says sorry and they carry on. In the next game he has a chance to break but he fires long. "F*** it missed!" he shouts again. The priest talks again "Now there, I told you, God will get very angry and punish you" The guy is slightly annoyed now but he says sorry and they carry on into a tiebreak. At 6-5 in the tiebreak the guy hits a shot that misses the sideline by a foot. "Oh f***ing hell, missed again!" he shouts.
At that point the clouds part, and God peers down and suddenly strikes the priest down dead. He looks down closely at the scene on the tennis court. "F**** it" he says "missed.."
dudeski
Hall of Fame
Aren't jokes supposed to be funny?
Very very funny!
Povl Carstensen
Legend
If that is a joke, Federer can beat Nadal at FO, strange...
D
Deleted member 307496
Guest
You actually got me to laugh this time.
furryballs
Banned
has nadal ever played tomic?..........that would be cool
furryballs
Banned
he'd have to think
D
Deleted member 307496
Guest
Who has Roger Federer beaten?
Rafael Nadal.
Rafael Nadal.
beast of mallorca
G.O.A.T.
Hahaha, that's hilarious !! Where is Senti to read all your jokes ?
Here's one :
Who can make the so called GOAT cry like a sobbing baby girl and humiliate him in front of millions ?
Rafa the butt picker ..................:twisted::twisted::twisted:
D
Deleted member 307496
Guest
What do you call a tennis racket with strings?
A tennis racket.
A tennis racket.
beast of mallorca
G.O.A.T.
you want a tennis joke ?
... Ernesto Gulbis.
Bernard Tomic is even funnier. What a train wreck.
D
Deleted member 307496
Guest
What do tennis players do in their off time?
Play exhibition matches.
Play exhibition matches.
tennis_pro
Bionic Poster
Excellent job, let me try:
How do you know you're dealing with a Nadal fan?
-He uses at least one of the following words: Nadal, Mallorca, Clay or his birth date and then adds one of the following: beast, slam, king, matador
which ends up being a hilariously stupid name that no other fanbase would ever use
What kind of books would Nadal never publish?
- "how to pick your ---- unnoticed"
- "variety - how I mastered every surface using entirely different strategies"
- "how to attract a proper fanbase"
- "how to beat your biggest rival when you don't have any age or match-up advantages" by Rafael Nadal
And a sequel
-"how to beat your biggest rival when he ups his game"
-"how I beat Novak Djokovic 7 times in a row"
-"Toni Nadal is my father"
And my favorite:
-"The volley master. Guidance to punch volleys with enormous power"
Last edited:
D
Deleted member 307496
Guest
beast of mallorca
G.O.A.T.
:twisted::twisted:
OMG all of you ****s are really annoying, e1 of you, came here to have fun with some jokes and besides 2 or 3 all you read is people trying to bash federer, nadal, djoko or murray, is e1 5 five years old? grow up.
If you can read spanish and want good tennis jokes you should follow Chela Twitter, some examples (i'll translate but don't know if they would be as much fun):
Twitting from olimpyc games: "I'll get an olimpic gold medal but it's going to be hard, security is tight around here."
I'm going to watch a video of my best tennis moments, I'll be back in 6 seconds.
The best thing tennis left me is all the free towells.
Tennis gave me a lot. Things to tweet about.
The best thing about my career was the regularity. I never won a tournament.
I quit tennis because the planet wasn't big enough for Federer and me.
Next year I'll have a better lost matches ratio than Roger.
All my shots are bad ass, they always cross the lines.
In my career I only had 1 unforced error, to become a tennis player.
I don't win tournaments because I don't like working on Sundays.
I slept a nap outside and a Woodpecker woke me up, he was pecking my wrist.
When I play tennis i put everything. On the net.
Mom, mom, the kids at school say that I'm a linesman. Does it bother you son? Noooooooo.
I'm remembering the time that I got to the USO final, got really good tickets.
I'm training for Rio 2016, I want to have a lot of fun at the carnival.
Its a shame that Armstorng died, I always wanted to ask him if he saw a mishit ball of mine at the moon.
My sexual fantasy is to win a match.
If you can read spanish and want good tennis jokes you should follow Chela Twitter, some examples (i'll translate but don't know if they would be as much fun):
Twitting from olimpyc games: "I'll get an olimpic gold medal but it's going to be hard, security is tight around here."
I'm going to watch a video of my best tennis moments, I'll be back in 6 seconds.
The best thing tennis left me is all the free towells.
Tennis gave me a lot. Things to tweet about.
The best thing about my career was the regularity. I never won a tournament.
I quit tennis because the planet wasn't big enough for Federer and me.
Next year I'll have a better lost matches ratio than Roger.
All my shots are bad ass, they always cross the lines.
In my career I only had 1 unforced error, to become a tennis player.
I don't win tournaments because I don't like working on Sundays.
I slept a nap outside and a Woodpecker woke me up, he was pecking my wrist.
When I play tennis i put everything. On the net.
Mom, mom, the kids at school say that I'm a linesman. Does it bother you son? Noooooooo.
I'm remembering the time that I got to the USO final, got really good tickets.
I'm training for Rio 2016, I want to have a lot of fun at the carnival.
Its a shame that Armstorng died, I always wanted to ask him if he saw a mishit ball of mine at the moon.
My sexual fantasy is to win a match.
Clarky21
Banned
Povl Carstensen
Legend
Funny stuff. Self irony, cool.
JayChu
Hall of Fame
Gonzo_style
Hall of Fame
You can play a Grand Slam final with injured foot and mononucleosis
AnotherTennisProdigy
Professional
Keep the balls in the court.
Sephiroth619
Rookie
ROFL. Man, that's the funniest thing I've read all week.
D
Deleted member 307496
Guest
What do you call Roger?
Federer.
Federer.
RF20Lennon
Legend
Tomic saying he will be one of the greatest players to play the game. Nuff said
Why does Tomic love Denny's?
Because thats the only place he'll ever get a Grand Slam
Why does Tomic love Denny's?
Because thats the only place he'll ever get a Grand Slam
tusharlovesrafa
Hall of Fame
Not related to tennis but still pretty hilarious!!
Autobiography of a SAD Man:
Last wéek was my birthday....
My wife didnt wish me....
My parents forgot and so did my kids....
I went to work....
Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i
entered my cabin my secretary
said,"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so
special.... She asked me out to lunch....
After lunch,she invited me to her
apartment...
WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind
if i go into the bedroom for. minute ?"
"OKAY",i said...
She came out 5min later with a cake And
My Wife,,My Parents,,My Kids,,My
Friends & My Colleagues... All
Screaming,,SURPRISE.... And I was
waiting on the sofa.............
NAKED !
Autobiography of a SAD Man:
Last wéek was my birthday....
My wife didnt wish me....
My parents forgot and so did my kids....
I went to work....
Even my colleagues didnt wish me.... As i
entered my cabin my secretary
said,"Happy Birthday Boss".... i felt so
special.... She asked me out to lunch....
After lunch,she invited me to her
apartment...
WE went there.... She said,"Do you mind
if i go into the bedroom for. minute ?"
"OKAY",i said...
She came out 5min later with a cake And
My Wife,,My Parents,,My Kids,,My
Friends & My Colleagues... All
Screaming,,SURPRISE.... And I was
waiting on the sofa.............
NAKED !
D
Deleted member 307496
Guest
djokovicgonzalez2010
G.O.A.T.
Donald Young
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