You've been hired as an umpire...
- Thread starter Hitman
- Start date
USMC-615
Hall of Fame
Tired of beating that dead horse, and your head against the wall I see...good choice my friend!
I would like to officiate on :
1. Djokovic : would halt first game to call on olympics standard drug test team to check on his ped levels to make sure he does not die from overdose.
2. Federer : would wait for the moment to intentionally call wrong on double bounce so that magnificent dude can walk up to me and teach me physics about why the ball double bounced becaz it had top spin - not backspin, i’ll listen to his argument all day… sing to me baby!
3. Kyrgios : I’ll take a baseball bat to the chair - one teet from that big-nasty i’ll bludgen his head in, and then give him a time violation for being too slow to get back to serve… lol
4. Andy Murray : just to tell him that I thought his mom was phat in his face and that he was always annoying.
5. Rafa (i’ll pick a match against shapo or djokovic) : I’ll intentionally start the shot-clock after rafa does his routine and gets to the service line - i’ll be intentionally late on rafa and right on the money for shapo or djoko so that it really irks them or rubs them the wrong way… then if they say something i’ll do a Carlos Bernandes imoression : “what do u want? “ … lol
I would refuse to officiate on :
1. Johnny Mac - he would kill me… one my fav player screaming at me…. Are you serious ? My heart could not take it.
2. Tsitsipas - he will have to submit in writing that he has taken a tshit beforehand and will take no bathroom breaks… no written commitment- no go.
3. Pete vs Agassi - i would be so bewildered in the beauty of their rivalry that i’d start missing looking at the lines, plus I’d probably be very nerveous.
4. Muster ar FO - i’d refuse to get out my chair to check lines and then dealing with him spitting in my ears.
5. Lendl - i cannot win stare contest with him … so I give up.
1. Djokovic : would halt first game to call on olympics standard drug test team to check on his ped levels to make sure he does not die from overdose.
2. Federer : would wait for the moment to intentionally call wrong on double bounce so that magnificent dude can walk up to me and teach me physics about why the ball double bounced becaz it had top spin - not backspin, i’ll listen to his argument all day… sing to me baby!
3. Kyrgios : I’ll take a baseball bat to the chair - one teet from that big-nasty i’ll bludgen his head in, and then give him a time violation for being too slow to get back to serve… lol
4. Andy Murray : just to tell him that I thought his mom was phat in his face and that he was always annoying.
5. Rafa (i’ll pick a match against shapo or djokovic) : I’ll intentionally start the shot-clock after rafa does his routine and gets to the service line - i’ll be intentionally late on rafa and right on the money for shapo or djoko so that it really irks them or rubs them the wrong way… then if they say something i’ll do a Carlos Bernandes imoression : “what do u want? “ … lol
I would refuse to officiate on :
1. Johnny Mac - he would kill me… one my fav player screaming at me…. Are you serious ? My heart could not take it.
2. Tsitsipas - he will have to submit in writing that he has taken a tshit beforehand and will take no bathroom breaks… no written commitment- no go.
3. Pete vs Agassi - i would be so bewildered in the beauty of their rivalry that i’d start missing looking at the lines, plus I’d probably be very nerveous.
4. Muster ar FO - i’d refuse to get out my chair to check lines and then dealing with him spitting in my ears.
5. Lendl - i cannot win stare contest with him … so I give up.
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