How to Troll Effectively

Manus Domini · Feb 23, 2014

I'm gravely concerned. While we normally have such a strong presence of forum trolls, Talk Tennis Warehouse is now in a grave era. The field is weak, incapable of even the slightest bit of proper trolling.

Given that the current forum era possesses such a weak field, I feel it is my responsibility to guide these young and misguided n00bs, that they may at least be good trolls, if they must troll.*

And so, experience being a greater teacher than words, I (alongside millions of others across the globe) have stumbled upon what is perhaps the greatest display of trolling in internet history.

Trolls of Talk Tennis Warehouse, be warned. What I now present to you will change forever your ways of thinking and being; you will enter upon a path no non-troll can stand. I give you: TWITCH PLAYS POKEMON!!!

The world of trolling perfected: http://www.twitch.tv/twitchplayspokemon

The theory behind the trolling: http://minimaxir.com/2014/02/glory-to-the-helix/

May the Helix be with you, Always.

*Disclaimer: I am perfectly fine with trolls who stop trolling, or posters who never start. If this guide convinces you to troll, I have failed Bird Jesus.

Sentinel · Feb 24, 2014

Could you please tell us what the strong era of trolling was, and who did it consist of ?

Who are these weak era trolls ? I submit that this is a strong era as any. It;s just that the Finest of Drolls took a silent ban recently and hasn't quite found form since returning. And things have been hectic at my end. Otherwise, we;ll be peaking again soon esp for RG.

McLovin · Feb 24, 2014

Trolling has be ruined by the advent of smart phones, tablets and high speed WiFi connections.

Back in the day, we had real keyboards, and none of these lightweight girly laptops. Give me the days of heavy towers, leaded up with hard drives, CDs, and 3 1/2" and 5 1/4" floppies.

Today's trolls pale in comparison, and would get owned by the greats of our time if they had to deal with hard-line connections and 56K dial-up speeds...

Gut4Tennis · Feb 24, 2014

Sentinel · Feb 24, 2014

McLovin said:
Trolling has be ruined by the advent of smart phones, tablets and high speed WiFi connections.

Back in the day, we had real keyboards, and none of these lightweight girly laptops. Give me the days of heavy towers, leaded up with hard drives, CDs, and 3 1/2" and 5 1/4" floppies.

Today's trolls pale in comparison, and would get owned by the greats of our time if they had to deal with hard-line connections and 56K dial-up speeds...

That;s nothing, I used to troll before the internet was discovered. We used punch cards and later OS 370/390 assembly.

Vcore89 · Feb 24, 2014

Sentinel said:
That;s nothing, I used to troll before the internet was discovered. We used punch cards and later OS 370/390 assembly.

I never have seen, much more used punch cards but as one time holding Security Officer (only) privilege, sending broadcast to all was fun.:wink:

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

Sentinel said:
Could you please tell us what the strong era of trolling was, and who did it consist of ?

Who are these weak era trolls ? I submit that this is a strong era as any. It;s just that the Finest of Drolls took a silent ban recently and hasn't quite found form since returning. And things have been hectic at my end. Otherwise, we;ll be peaking again soon esp for RG.

(The strong eras consisted of posters such as Gonzalito and Fedace.)

(The weak era trolls are punks like Annie and Death Master, who can do no more than post random and stupid threads and insult players for no reason, accusing them of being past banned posters, without warrant for doing so.)

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

McLovin said:
Trolling has be ruined by the advent of smart phones, tablets and high speed WiFi connections.

Back in the day, we had real keyboards, and none of these lightweight girly laptops. Give me the days of heavy towers, leaded up with hard drives, CDs, and 3 1/2" and 5 1/4" floppies.

Today's trolls pale in comparison, and would get owned by the greats of our time if they had to deal with hard-line connections and 56K dial-up speeds...

Indeed. The access to smartphone technology has made it only too easy for trolling to occur. It lowers quality.

Sentinel said:
That;s nothing, I used to troll before the internet was discovered. We used punch cards and later OS 370/390 assembly.

My familial heritage traces its trolling roots back to 15th century England, when my great, great, great, great...great -grandfather's brother taught him to troll by switching the signs for the butcher and the tailor. Watching the nobles accidentally enter a butchery with their Sunday best in tow was remarkable, I hear!

r2473 · Feb 24, 2014

Bartelby is the best troll these days. He can get nearly anyone angry and arguing with him.

LeeD gets honorable mention (and he isn't even trying to troll).

dParis · Feb 24, 2014

r2473 said:
Bartelby is the best troll these days. He can get nearly anyone angry and arguing with him.

Did I just feel a disturbance in The Force?
----------------
Bartelby
Banned

Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 8,898
-----------------

Looks like he's the bandest troll these days too.

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

dParis said:
Did I just feel a disturbance in The Force?
----------------
Bartelby
Banned

Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 8,898
-----------------

Looks like he's the bandest troll these days too.

Wait, Bartelby got banned? Why?

(Not that I'm super upset about it; it became mostly him attempting to subvert any thread into a political argument.)

KineticChain · Feb 24, 2014

dParis · Feb 24, 2014

Manus Domini said:
Wait, Bartelby got banned? Why?

(Not that I'm super upset about it; it became mostly him attempting to subvert any thread into a political argument.)

I think you may have just answered your own question.

Team10 · Feb 24, 2014

As long as Nostradamus is still here, the trolling will always be near.

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

dParis said:
I think you may have just answered your own question.

Well, I figured. It's just that he got away with it for so long. :-|

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

KineticChain said:

Please tell me Ruseman used to be a TTW poster :lol:

dParis · Feb 24, 2014

Manus Domini said:
Well, I figured. It's just that he got away with it for so long. :-|

You're right. It had been going on since he joined the forum, as far s I can tell. The straw that broke the camel's back, imo, was his willfull avoidance of the Happy Birthday LeeD thread.

Serves him right.

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

dParis said:
You're right. It had been going on since he joined the forum, as far s I can tell. The straw that broke the camel's back, imo, was his willfull avoidance of the Happy Birthday LeeD thread.

Serves him right.

I think not wishing LeeD a happy birthday warrants an autopermaban.

stringertom · Feb 24, 2014

Manus Domini said:
Wait, Bartelby got banned? Why?

(Not that I'm super upset about it; it became mostly him attempting to subvert any thread into a political argument.)

Putin pulled some strings at TTW HQ?

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

stringertom said:
Putin pulled some strings at TTW HQ?

Isn't a gold medal enough, tho?

Sentinel · Feb 24, 2014

Vcore89 said:
I never have seen, much more used punch cards but as one time holding Security Officer (only) privilege, sending broadcast to all was fun.:wink:

ah yes, you bring back fond memories of the "wall" command !

KineticChain · Feb 24, 2014

Sentinel · Feb 24, 2014

Manus Domini said:
(The strong eras consisted of posters such as Gonzalito and Fedace.)

(The weak era trolls are punks like Annie and Death Master, who can do no more than post random and stupid threads and insult players for no reason, accusing them of being past banned posters, without warrant for doing so.)

Agreed, the younger generation are quite weak. However, I disagree about Fedace being called a master troll. He provided comic relief at best. The finest are people like suresh and me. Then there are the second level of pretenders like that chap who poasts stale nursery rhymes relating to HumptyDumpty ... FOD or something. Why isn;t he creating five threads everyday, i wonder?

Vcore89 · Feb 24, 2014

Sentinel said:
ah yes, you bring back fond memories of the "wall" command !

Yep, colleagues, especially the girls would always wanna know how to issue the command ''write to all'' (since the ladies are actually chit-chatty on their terminals [while their dept bosses haven't got a clue] in the morning and just before 1700).:wink:

Manus Domini · Feb 24, 2014

Sentinel said:
The finest are people like suresh and me.

But Senti, trolls are universally despised. Everyone on this forum love you and sureshs. You aren't trolls--you're spammers.

Then there are the second level of pretenders like that chap who poasts stale nursery rhymes relating to HumptyDumpty ... FOD or something. Why isn;t he creating five threads everyday, i wonder?

While he may approach the lower bound of troll tiers, he does not yet reach that basest level of troll who know nothing but the buttons that say "create thread" and "reply".

Spin Doctor · Feb 25, 2014

I think I may take up Trolling. I've decided that every single sub-forum on this site sucks *** (other than Strings and Rackets but I don't really have anything to talk about there) and I need some other way to entertain myself.

Hi I'm Ray · Feb 25, 2014

Gut4Tennis said:

lol

__________

Sentinel · Feb 25, 2014

Spin Doctor said:
I think I may take up Trolling. I've decided that every single sub-forum on this site sucks *** (other than Strings and Rackets but I don't really have anything to talk about there) and I need some other way to entertain myself.

Please note that trolling is not as glamorous or lucrative as people think it is, and it;s only some really top-end trolls like myself who make millions. It involves a lot of hard work, and immense amounts of sacrifice of family, sex and other normal activities. It involves sitting in stuffy basements or attics for 220 hours a day living on Mountain Dew and Cup Noodles. I am unable to even spend my huge fortune.

Most trolls barely make ends meet. I suggest you take to pro tennis if you want a better life. Even in my dreams I have to think of nasty things to say to people. I wonder what the karmic results of all this will be. They say there is a special hell for us trolls, there's no connectivity in there. It's very hot and full of fire and brimstone, so i guess i will have to troll with smoke signals when I die.

heninfan99 · Feb 25, 2014

Dark Knight certainly did his best to troll.

Sentinel · Feb 25, 2014

heninfan99 said:
Dark Knight certainly did his best to troll.

tdk's best was just not good enough. he constitutes the weak era, his very best never came within miles of even my most mediocre trolling days. trolling requires variety, subtlety and the element of surprise, none of which he possessed. monotonous high volume poasting is not trolling, it's an insult to trolling. trolling used to be an art form.

i ushered in the era of trolling noir. it is indeed sad to see these young novices think they can take over what we built. we were respected even revered. sometimes our trolling made no sense, but was art for art's sake.

Coming back to the thread topic, i don;t believe true trolling can be taught, it's a gift, a natural talent. that said, i think forehand of doom shows promise and might one day emerge as a force in the dark and grim world of trolling. then i can hang my boots.

HRB · Feb 25, 2014

I think we need to come up with a phrase for those who hide behind the phrase "troll"..i.e. the posters who, whenever faced with an opinion that contradicts theirs, simply brush off that person as a "troll" rather than debate their point!

How about "Spineless Poster"?:twisted:

Sentinel · Feb 25, 2014

HRB said:
I think we need to come up with a phrase for those who hide behind the phrase "troll"..i.e. the posters who, whenever faced with an opinion that contradicts theirs, simply brush off that person as a "troll" rather than debate their point!

How about "Spineless Poster"?:twisted:

You are absolutely wrong you troll.

That's a fact not an opinion. You've just lost the argument.

heninfan99 · Feb 25, 2014

Some of the classic trolls listed are not trolls at all. I met one of them in person. His posts are never subtle and he 100% believes what he posts however he may have another account.

There's no agreement on who the classic trolls were.

If you think you were one than basking in it publicly weakens your claim, I'm not trolling you, just saying.

Sentinel said:
tdk's best was just not good enough. he constitutes the weak era, his very best never came within miles of even my most mediocre trolling days. trolling requires variety, subtlety and the element of surprise, none of which he possessed. monotonous high volume poasting is not trolling, it's an insult to trolling. trolling used to be an art form.

i ushered in the era of trolling noir. it is indeed sad to see these young novices think they can take over what we built. we were respected even revered. sometimes our trolling made no sense, but was art for art's sake.

Coming back to the thread topic, i don;t believe true trolling can be taught, it's a gift, a natural talent. that said, i think forehand of doom shows promise and might one day emerge as a force in the dark and grim world of trolling. then i can hang my boots.

Overdrive · Feb 25, 2014

I laugh every time when people get angry with TERRASTAR.. :lol:

I can't believe I forgot that NADALRECORD was one of NadalSlamKing's many aliases.

dParis · Feb 25, 2014

Overdrive said:
I laugh every time when people get angry with TERRASTAR.. :lol:

Bad seed, right there.

Got to give credit to TennisMaverick/Morning Glory/the Lama/Rush&Crush etc. He could, and would, troll every sub-forum on this site. Racquets, strings, Juniors, Fitness, GPPD, O&E, R&R - you name it. He's back, under yet another username, but he keeps a much lower profile nowadays.

Manus Domini · Feb 25, 2014

Sentinel said:
Coming back to the thread topic, i don;t believe true trolling can be taught, it's a gift, a natural talent. that said, i think forehand of doom shows promise and might one day emerge as a force in the dark and grim world of trolling. then i can hang my boots.

Indeed, this is so. But even the most talented of trolls must refine their art under the careful guise of a tutor (careful, of course, that the tutor does not himself troll his troll students in teaching them how to troll).

WildVolley · Feb 25, 2014

Manus Domini said:
Wait, Bartelby got banned? Why?

(Not that I'm super upset about it; it became mostly him attempting to subvert any thread into a political argument.)

Nailed it.

Bartelby actually bragged in a now pulled thread that he was purposefully trying to get threads removed by starting a political fight because someone had said something in the thread that he found offensive to his political beliefs.

I was a bit surprised to see him let the mask slip and admit he was a troll.

Manus Domini · Feb 25, 2014

WildVolley said:
Nailed it.

Bartelby actually bragged in a now pulled thread that he was purposefully trying to get threads removed by starting a political fight because someone had said something in the thread that he found offensive to his political beliefs.

I was a bit surprised to see him let the mask slip and admit he was a troll.

Smh

That sounds so like him. The slightest comment that he takes as anti-<his beliefs>*, he views as a personal insult and does whatever he can to force thread closures/political discussion. E.g. my very non-political thread on pancakes :lol:

Shame the thread was pulled. I would have liked to see his confession :lol:

*I know what they are, but to avoid turning this into a political discussion, I'll leave them out.

Overdrive · Feb 25, 2014

dParis said:
Bad seed, right there.

Got to give credit to TennisMaverick/Morning Glory/the Lama/Rush&Crush etc. He could, and would, troll every sub-forum on this site. Racquets, strings, Juniors, Fitness, GPPD, O&E, R&R - you name it. He's back, under yet another username, but he keeps a much lower profile nowadays.

He's back? Wow, I didn't know that he was a troll. He told me that he got banned because he entered in a racial argument. He's a Volkl guy, so any thread about those frames could be possible nests.. : )

dParis · Feb 25, 2014

Overdrive said:
He's back? Wow, I didn't know that he was a troll. He told me that he got banned because he entered in a racial argument. He's a Volkl guy, so any thread about those frames could be possible nests.. : )

No, he probably wasn't a troll by textbook definition or the depiction in post #4 of this thread. He was more of a forum jerk. There was little baiting or cunning; more bombast.

HRB · Feb 26, 2014

Sentinel said:
You are absolutely wrong you troll.

That's a fact not an opinion. You've just lost the argument.

LOL..perfect!

r2473 · Feb 26, 2014

dParis said:
Did I just feel a disturbance in The Force?
----------------
Bartelby
Banned

Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 8,898
-----------------

Looks like he's the bandest troll these days too.

You do not know the power of the dark side (unbanned).

downdaline · Feb 26, 2014

Haha... Someone needs to do a Trolling Style Analysis article!

The defensive troll("no no, according to Wilander/McEnroe..."), the youtube troll ("these highlights clearly indicate...")... etc.

Sentinel · Feb 26, 2014

Embrace and exterminate. that;s my trolling secret.

Gut4Tennis · Feb 26, 2014

every-time I would start a thread in the odds and ends, the biggest trolls would appear

Manus Domini · Feb 26, 2014

downdaline said:
Haha... Someone needs to do a Trolling Style Analysis article!

The defensive troll("no no, according to Wilander/McEnroe..."), the youtube troll ("these highlights clearly indicate...")... etc.

I'll be more than happy to do one this weekend!

Manus Domini · Feb 26, 2014

r2473 said:
You do not know the power of the dark side (unbanned).

Is not wishing LeeD a happy birthday not enough for a permaban? :neutral:

dParis · Feb 26, 2014

Manus Domini said:
Is not wishing LeeD a happy birthday not enough for a permaban? :neutral:

It should be. I'll advise the powers that be to reconsider their actions.

Meanwhile...

Gut4Tennis said:
every-time I would start a thread in the odds and ends, the biggest trolls would appear

You are, in trolling circles, what is known as a Prime Mover.

Manus Domini · Feb 26, 2014

dParis said:
It should be. I'll advise the powers that be to reconsider their actions.

Are you saying--that the mods are God?! :shock:

dParis · Feb 26, 2014

Manus Domini said:
Are you saying--that the mods are God?! :shock:

No. I'm saying they may have been hitting the crack pipe.

How to Troll Effectively

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